#wtf even is this thing anyway i truly don’t know where tf it even came from

[snapbackslide]

so you’re gonna be mad at the guy who captains his team 82 games a season, went to 3 straight all-star weekends instead of getting a break like his teammates do, makes a common decision to not go to an off-season tournament so he could rest and propose to his girlfriend, and out of pettiness not invite him to an in-season tournament that he deserves to be in? ah ok.

[lostinwoods]

A different take on SessKag relationship or why it would be more realistic than InuKag.

Let me begin with

Sesshomaru's and Kagome's past and how they are similar.

Sesshomaru had always been a very sentimental and emotionally receptive being. He had loved and cherished his dad the most. Loving and competing with him, wanting to surpass him, desiring recognition and acceptance so much so that his entire world revolved around his father. He did not want the swords because they were powerful or the bs about supreme conquest. What is that shit? Sesshomaru never needed that. The swords, especially Tessaiga was the most important acceptance to Sess. I will get back to this later.

Now Kagome. This kid was born and then we never saw her dad even when she was a kid. Another classic case of growing without a dad? Perhaps. But I feel her grandpa filled her missing dad's place. That is why the kid grew up in a lovely household, filled with love and peace and made Kagome what she was later on, a selfless girl who wants to love and protect her friends. Because that is what she learnt. Her grandpa, mom, everyone and her own family dynamics taught her how important it was to cherish the ones she loved.

What they initially thought of Inuyasha in their life

Now back to Sess. When his dad died, he dies saving Izayoi. What is the thing he feels at the time I wondered. Surely devastated? Yes, but even worse. His most important person, his goal, the thing his life revolved around was gone. And for what? To protect a weak, useless bitch like Izayoi? Here is a thing, he never knew Izayoi but knew the hut had collapsed on his dad when Izayoi had escaped. What can a teen feel when they hear such a thing? 'That useless bitch, ran away when my dad was in danger and cost him his life. Fuck that bitch and that kid they made. Useless, all humans are useless and weak.' This was really where his hatred came from. Probably.

Kagome on the other hand from the beginning was shown as a selfless kid, who loved both humans and demons alike. Reason? She had never lived in the feudal era. She was a kid grown in a society where everyone is placed on a equal pedestal. How would she, a modern kid understand the bad blood between demons and humans? If she were ever born in Feudal Japan, would things have changed? Maybe. Then she falls into a world where nothing was similar to where she was from. She was frightened, unsure and confused. And then Inuyasha came into her life. Honestly their first meeting was not romantic and pretty terrific in a sense. That was a weird day for Kagome. She fell into an alien world only heard in fairy tales, got involved in a weird prophecy, learnt she was a mythical sort of being herself and then got attacked by a guy who had saved her only seconds before, all ready to rip her heart out. In such a case, the 'osuwari' was probably a safe word for her. Why she uses it later in the series? Probably because she never trusted Inuyasha and felt more comfortable using a word which gave her power over him. Honestly, what would you expect? Kisses and love showers?

Analysis: Kagome was still scared of Inuyasha for a long time and did not trust him completely.

Before Inu no Taisho's tomb battle

Kagome before this went home and then cane back because she felt that fixing the Shikon was her duty. More honestly, she just returned coz Yura attacked and she wanted her family to be safe. Here I want to take some time to gush over how cool Kagome is. Intelligent, smart and extremely powerful. How she understood that Yura's skull was her weakness and breaks the god forsaken thing with just an arrow. That is some level of OPness. Who says Kags is useless?

Anyways, after that when Inuyasha called her 'Kagome', a lot of the viewers thought that Kagome was ecstatic because it was romantic and she was in love. But that is bs. It is not possible to love someone a week later they tried to gut your heart out. It is masochistic and unreal. Kagome over here felt a sense of acceptance from a guy who she felt previously hated her enough to kill her. And that to Kagome was a sign of friendship and more like, 'don't worry, I am not at least gonna attempt to kill you anymore.'

Kagome, inheritently a person who gives a hand when given a finger. She accepts Inu as her friend and they were far from being lovers.

It is exactly this time that Sess attacks them. And quite cruely might I say. Bringing Inu's dead mom like that was not funny and Sess was an outright jerk for doing that no matter how much he hated Inu and Izayoi. He is all weird and sarcatic at high levels. And Kags hated him. She hated how he was attacking this one friend she had made in the era. She hated how cruel this bastard was and how much pain her friend was going through. And her own lovely bond with her brother did not help her to look into their complex brotherly bond which seemed to her more like some battle royale. She probaably hated the bitch for showing up and hurting her friend like that even when he, being the older brother should have loved his younger brother and nurtured him like she would do for Souta.

For Sess, it was really weird and shitty all over. A basic human bitch, standing behind Inu like she was weak fawn. Reminded him so much of Izayoi. Someone who never even tried saving his dad. That was why his sarcastic words were like, "Inuyasha, it suits you so much to have a human behind you". Ya and he was irritated by looking at how helpless af the bitch was. He was narcisstic, filipant of Kags presence and all around indifferent to a 'weak human filthy woman', who he felt was just like the one for whom his dad died.

Surprise is how he did not outright murder her. Perhaps he felt like they were worthless and beneath his boots.

Lol, these two are the best.

Inside Inu No Taisho's tomb

Kags was really angry with this bitch who just chained her up, clawed a pearl out of her friend's eye and then jumped into a black hole. That is why she followed with, "This sort of a person, with no blood or humanity in his veins, I cannot forgive him" and then she chased. Even Inu was like, WTF bro. It was fun. Then she spouted lines like, " Take the sword Inuyasha, it will be like a hit to his pride, what a shame!"

How tf did she know about how much his pride hurt him. Lol felt like Kags knew Sess more than Inu ever would and they only met. That was some soulmate level shit right there. Lol!

Then there was Sess who was outright dismissing Kags and she was not even a spec of dust in his eyes. Then she went and pulled that sword out. Remember the scene where he was so surprised that he stopped the battle with Inu and turned around and LOOKED. Like really LOOKED. It was such a heart stopping moment and for good measures as well. He saw a girl, a woman standing there, holding an inheritance which was supposed to be his and she did something he could not. Did Tessaiga accept her then, did his father accept her more than him? He was baffled, confused and low-key awed. That was why he said, "What are you?" And legit measured her top to bottom. That was some turning point for Sess. Something that proved to him that all humans cannot be dismissed. But he was in rage. How can a mere human be worthy of Tessaiga and melted her along with that sword. I wonder if it was his second test to see whether Tessaiga would protect her or not. And then it did!

Sess went ape-shit crazy after that. A sword he desired for so long (The sword used to protect Izayoi was a thorn in his heart. Made him feel like his father had chosen a human over him. But if the sword had accepted him, it would have proved that his dad had still loved him, thought of him). That was the significance of Tessaiga to him. Power sure, but more of an acceptance. His dad's acceptance. And then what happened? The sword preferred a human who then gave it to his damned hated brother.

Aftermath of tomb battle

Kagome never really liked Sess's guts and probably had no form of sympathy towards someone like him. On the other hand things picked up with her and Inu's relation. She came to know some facts about Kik. And her inferiority complex began with her incarnate. But having a part of Kik's soul in her, began her obsession with Inu. She strived to understand him, make a better person of himself. But their relation was still not there to lovers.

Then Sess came across Naraku. He probably just wanted to dick around more with Inu and accepted the human hand.

2nd battle for Tessaiga

Sess's desire to possess the Tessaiga had increased at this point. His rage of having his arm cut off by that sword felt like the worst rejection from his dad. He was going insane and might have wanted to kill Inu for real in this fight. He was in no mood for theatrics in this one, unlike the tomb where he actually watched some InuKag drama and even applauded (lol). He was absolute business this time. He snached the sword and showed Inu exactly why he should not get that sword, 'You cannot even make the wind rift, why should you be more worthy?'

He meant to kill Inu and then Kags arrow sailed in, charging with enough power to even cancel the demonic energy filled into the sword by Sess himself.

His thoughts were for the same reason, " She canceled Tessaiga's transformation? Who is this girl?"

His respect scale jumped for her here. He truly had never met anyone who could rival his power to such extent. He had never met a girl who stood so powerfully in face of danger to protect this some half-breed scum. She was like the embodiment of everything he had hoped Izayoi to be to his dad. A strong woman who would wager her life to save the one she holds dear. Sess had learnt this fact from his dad's death. To sacrifice in name of love and then in this fight he understood how much that meant both for Inuyasha and Kagome. He probably somewhat understood what this feeling was after seeing these two.

Sess had an idea of love and protection and Kags became its centre. She was this vague expectation Sess had of human love and an absolute loyalty towards whom you love most. He felt complicated towards her. He respected her.

3rd Tessaiga battle

Sess's most sceptical battle yet. Why break the tessaiga? 'I will break it if I can't have it!' Desperate much?. Then the wind drift appears and for the first time Sess acknowledges Inu. For maybe being a somewhat worthy of having Taisho's blood, only if a little bit. He is saved by Tenseiga. Oh, how he hated this worthless sword more. This sword could not cut throught things and saves his life. What a worthless shit.

Kagome's narrative here was important. "How can he weild the Tenseiga? He needs a compassionate heart for that." Always wondered why Kags was the one to say this. But realised the reason later on.

Rin

Obviously the most controversial topic of Inuverse. What Sess felt for Rin, why was she there.

Rin has often been compared to be the Kagome version of Sess. And that is the only truth. She came in like a ray of sunshine when he was in most need. He was in self doubt, hate towards Inu and complex emotions towards Kags. And then Rin was there with the exact same face and the same warm feeling like Kags. Even he knew what InuKag were to each other then and no matter how much he respected Kags, he was not really interested in a further relation with Kags. But his deeply unsated desire to understand his dad's mentality and reason behind saving a human was what made him think of Rin. As she was his chance to understand that. His chance to understand why his dad could do that, why Inu could do that and why humans like Kags and Rin could save and love demons. It was not romantic in any sense. He had a confusion and Rin was his way towards a solution. Though it was a different fact that he loved her later on and cherished and protected her. Enough to feel that there was no meaning to his anything if she was not there.

So yes in a way, she is Kags embodiment in Sess's life, a picture of Kags selfless love. His desire to truly understand such beings called selfless humans and the result of his single minded belief of human women being trash and unable to love shattering.

And for fun just to contradict Kags speculations, for first time ever, Sess uses the sword and we viewers realise how wrong Kags was. Sess had every bit of compassion in his heart.

Later events

The events went on with Kags finally understanding her position in Inu's life and her single-minded chase to be accepted by Inu as just Kagome and not Kikyo's reflection. I do not even know if this could be called love or just a misinterpreted need of attention from someone you hold dear. But whatever, we realise Kags is in love with Inu now and still cannot stop from feeling compassion towards Kikyo. Honestly she and Sess are truly two opposite sides of a spectrum.

Sess on the other hand gets Tokijin and attacks Inuyasha. This time around, I highly doubt he was still chasing Tessaiga. It had more evolved into his need to show he is more powerful than Inu. 'What you do best, I can do better.'

Stopping Inu from transforming

In this the most debatable question was whether he was there to stop Inu or not.

Sess had wanted to see and experiment the limits of Inu's blood beast.

After some fighting, Kags jumped in. Sess stared at her, like forever. That staring tho. Even when she was like, "Stay away, you idiot." Sess stared. For Sess, that was what he admired the most in Kags. Her selfless devotion. He was staring at that fearless figure who once again surprised him by being a sacrifice to save her loved ones. She was to Sess what he had always thought of 'love' to be. She was the embodiment of the term 'love' to Sess. For a guy who knew nothing of how to define emotions, it was Kags who showed him what love was. And thus he jumped over and over again in front of Rin to protect her. She taught him how to cherish even the even the most weak individual in a group, and thus he protected Jaken.

Rin was there to show him the same thing everyday. But no matter how much Rin showed him her own loyality, love and warmth, Kags always remained that shining beam to him. I will say later on how I understood this.

Kag's love was the validity of his dad's sacrifice. A way for him to make sense of his dad's mindless death over protecting some weak human.

And in this scene for the first time ever, Kags saw Sess as more than an insufferable pest to her friends. She saw his noble ideals and realised why he was there and thus she thought, "Was he here to save Inuyasha?"

It is very curious as to why Kags was again given these lines. It was probably because her opinion mattered, to Sess it did. And we will see more why in the future.

Random encounters

There was one time when Kags saw Rin while Jaken was trying to steal Tessaiga and she had asked herself, "Why is a little human girl traveling with Sess?' It was again a small thing which she did not need to feel but was very imp. for her development towards Sess. How she started to understand him more.

Kohaku incident

Here we saw how was the first time Sess listened to Kags.

Kags opinion mattered. Inu's mattered and when he realised that Kohaku was being used he let him go. There was one reason that he did not want to be used, the next I am sure was for Kags and Inu. He knew then that Kohaku was imp. to them and he stopped. Big character jump for him.

Then the most curious fact was how Kags knew what the girl meant to him, "Please let him go Sesshomaru, the girl is fine."

Kagome: Thanks Sesshomaru!

Sesshomaru: I just never wanted to be used by Naraku and fall into his trap.

Lol...

Then after Rin left, Kags thoughts about how she had left with Sess and was awed . An important point for her change in feelings towards Sess. She understood the guy was changing and Rin was changing him.

The fun fact was how she was instantly in love with this little girl and that would become important later on.

More random events..

After that it was shown that many times Kags was the only one who could stop a fight bet. the brothers. Example that time when he fought with Inu to get some direction for Naraku. And then Kags came and told him to go north or something and he was like, "That is all I wanted to know." And left.

What is to be seen in these parts is how RT made only him and her interact like this. He listening to her like they have been friends forever.

The saving of Kanta's father was also an example of how much she affected him.

Her plea to save Kanta's dad even when no one believed and no one bothered to ask him. Tensaiga moved because he felt deeply moved by her plea. He might have never wanted to voice it but since Tensaiga only worked when the weilder felt compassion and a need to save someone. Sess must have felt it subconsciously and Tensaiga had stired. Or it had stired because it is a SessKag shipper as well. Lol!

Mukotsu

I wonder how Sess knew Kags was in trouble. Another fun fact like how he appears at times when Inu is not there to save Kags. Sess is there. Probably he knew her scent too well and hence could even distinguish between that and the poison. After that was the gruesome death of Mukotsu. The thing to notice over her was how large Sess looked in that hut doorway, it was a symbolism to how big and huge his protective self looks when he is protecting Kagome. A very romantic thing indeed. The first time he protects someone who is not under his protection. A complete selfless act if considered from his pov. Sess being a very private person and while saving Kagome showed her place in his heart. Yeah and that was very visible from how he killed Mukotsu.

The takeaway from this episode is not this though. It was the fact that Kags defended Sess. For the first time ever, all the good deeds she had seen him doing had outplayed her hatred for him. She accepeted him as a friend with these words, "No Inuyasha, he was here to protect us, he saved us." It was a completely unnecessary detail in the whole scheme of this episode but very important for Sess. Her acceptance matters, her opinion matters and Sess is a Tsundere.

Sesshomaru: I did not save YOU, I just killed him coz he did not answer me properly.

This proved how much she affects him, rattles him and how much her life means to him. And an unspoken promise to himself to protect her when Inu was not around.

Fight with Shishinki

No one ever mentions this fight. But there is a very important SK interaction in here. Something which was important for Sess. Kagome's understanding.

When Sess was lost in the same darkness of never being accepted by his dad, Shishinki made things worse by saying Tenseiga was a cast out of Tessaiga and it was given as a leftover to Taisho's least fav. son. Sesshomaru was hurt, lost, and his daddy issues, his biggest weakness was sharply opened by a knife, cruely and Kagome's words saved him.

Kagome: But there might have been a reason their dad had done this.

Kags belief that Taisho had infact not rejected Sess was like a balm to his soul, the only thing he had needed to hear throughout his life. The thing which made him accept in the end that Tensaiga was there to protect Inuyasha, the thing that was needed to sort of activate Tessaiga and then he finally formed his biggest and truest meido. It was romantic, touching and outright heavenly. Then it was made cute with Inu's awkward concern. It was the best ep. as of yet.

Kagome's deep concern and her understanding of Sess's pain was brilliant and alien level insane. She should not have, but she did and that's why they felt more like soulmates.

Battle with Magatsuhi

Sess had gone batshit crazy when Magatsuhi had hurt Kagome and that had only been worsened by him questioning Sess's honor and pride. Sess had turned full on doggy mode and lost control in that way for the first time since the tomb. And the strike at Magatsuhi's eyes was another symbolism of his revenge for doing shit to Kags eyes and mindfucking her.

RT has always thrown these small hints in between IK drama. Which are brilliant and lovely. Even that one scene where he stands protectively inbetween Kags prostrate body on Kilala and Magatsuhi. Beautiful symbolism, really.

It was also fun to see how Kags half power was sealed by Magatsuhi and Sess's half power was returned via Bakusaiga. I felt that Sess's true acceptance of his protection to Kagome and his detachment from Tessaiga was what made him the true daiyokai and surpass his father. Since somehow Tessaiga has always been linked to protecting Kagome and somehow protecting her might have also been the thing to finding Bakusaiga. The desire to protect her perhaps.

Soul mate mind link theatrics

This is something only some people realise. Sesshomaru and Kagome have been shown not once, but twice to be doing this. Once while fighting for Kohaku's life and the last shard and the other in Naraku's body. Kagome and Sesshomaru had been shown to think in absolute synchronisation. He thinks half the sentence, she completes the rest. Absolute soul mate shit.

SessKag power combo

Shown a lot of time in Inuverse. Sess attacks and Kags completes. A small thing but their timing is insane. And is defintely the best power combo, far better than an InuKag combo.

Fight in Naraku's body

This was the time when Sess finally shows what Kagome means to him. Where she stands and how much he cares for her. She is his FIRST priority. Proof? When Rin and she are in simultaneous danger, he stands there infront of Kags for God knows how long, removing those snake things like he had all the time in the world and once she is awake he is concerned about her well being.

Sess: Those wounds, are those Inuyasha's doing?

And his disappointment in Inuyasha not being able to protect Kags.

Sess: As expected of a half-demon. He lost himself in the bloodlust.

Kags obviously considered Sess to be a friend at this point. A very close friend at that. Family perhaps? Their familiarity here was not missed by anyone. Her defending Inu and then still prioritising Rin over Inu were only somethings we realised this chapter.

The most important was her belief in him.

Manga exclusive,

Kags: I believe that you would be able to do it. Do not fall into Naraku's trap and play his cards that is what he wants. Only you can do this, I know.

Wow, Kags wow...just wow... It is the best actually. She does not believe Inu in this situation but she does Sess. She believes in his protection and she knows her influence on him. This speaks volumes. This shows her unreal connection to him and how they match each other instinctively.

Sess knows her influence. This is his weakness.

The mokomoko scene was truly Sesshomaru's best confession. For him who cannot say much in words, allowed her to fly on mokomoko. Something which everyone of us know has a heavy weightage for Sesshomaru. It is his weapon, his forever companion and his support when he is injured and tired. Offering such a thing to her for whatever reason was truly his way of showing what he exactly feels for her. He cherishes her the most and I could say even more than Rin. Trusts her the most and would jump in front of danger to protect her.

Which is only seen more when he asks her to stay away from the fight because she would be a 'hinderance'. Which means he could not fight if she is in the middle. He would be vulnerable and weak. Intersting, very interesting. Another time where he stood between her and a dangerous blood beast that Inu had become.

The best part was truly him getting concerned when she fell down from the top while removing Tessaiga and then when Magatsuhi tried to possess her.

His anger was so vibrant. "Get away from her!"

What a brilliant thing to say. The possessiveness. The will to protect her. The absolute anger. Brilliant. So much was spoken in those lines.

The best ending though was the SessKag power combo of Bakusaiga and holy arrow. Best ending. Inu was not even much involved in ending Naraku. It was weird how the titular character failed in finishing the main villain with his meido. Shows a lot what SessKag meant to RT.

Big brother

Yes, the iconic scene where fans of all ships shout out that SK is not a romantic ship.

Well over here I want to say that Kagome truly saw Sess as a big brother figure at this point. Part of it was because she still felt that she was in love with Inu and part because she was not receptive to her reactions to Sess and what he truly meant to her at this point. She feels an intimate connection to him but cannot justify the weirdness because she still feels a closeness to Inu so she thinks of him as big brother. Which was a very intimate thing for Kagome to say. She loves him like family and clearly places him higher than the rest of her friends only second to Inu. That was more of a declaring her closeness to Sess rather than a confirmation of her and Inu's relationship. Kags is not a vain character who does things coz they are convinient. She would not call a friend if they are not a friend. And certainly not a big brother if she does not feel so.

Sess actually was relieved, ecsatatic and happy when Jaken informed hin of Kags arrival as was seen in his expression. Very funny actually. Because next second he was called big brother and he was hilariously ticked off. He could not believe what he was being called. Lol that interaction though. It showed how close they ended up being. Even more close than he was to his own brother.

But he accepted the title even if with much pain in his neck and then was really offended when Jaken badmouthed Kagome.

Conclusion: No one badmouths Kagome.

Haaha....end of this long analysis. I tried to analyse it from the character's pov and found some interesting small tidbits and detail that RT had hidden in this story.

Thus I felt that SK would be a more natural ship maybe not outright. Since Sess loves her truly but does not understand the nature of the relation and Kags is still too much blinded by Inu filter a.t.m. Maybe given years when Kags will realise exactly what sort of love she feels for Inu. Which will happen because such a toxic relation like IK should not exist and then she will probably see Sess's love for her.

My Conclusion: SK is a defintive. It will happen with some time and care. When both would mature. But it will happen for sure. All the ingredients are there, the stage has been set just the players have to realise what they feel for each other.

[shimmershae]

Some more random thoughts about Episode 4--

Because I couldn’t have my notebook commentary be incomplete at the end of the season just because an episode wasn’t my personal favorite.  

Okay.  I’m still a little surprised that Daryl took off running after that one Reaper dude in the dark.  Like if that had been Carol instead of Maggie getting ambushed, my man would have not hasta la vista’d outta there ‘til heknew she was safe--capable, kickass leader or not.  

Dog is so random about listening lately.  How plot point convenient, lol.  

Daryl throwing his crossbow at the Reaper had me legit LMAO.  

Hmm.  So that was Leah he unknowingly hurled his knife at, hahahaha.  

Disobedient or not?  Dog must be protected at all costs.  

For real, though.  It’s like Dog’s Carl reincarnated now.  Somewhere, Lori feels vindicated about all those times she tried to explain that Carl had a stubborn will and mind of his own.  

The hell good is the Walker guts and blood to the face in this sitch.  I’m just not getting it.  

Dog in his little vest.  I’m still loving it and wondering if it has an actual purpose beyond making us go d’aww.  

Does Lynn Collins resemble Megan Follows to anybody else or is it just me?  Love my Anne-girl.  NO comment on LC.  

Well.  That wasn’t exactly a reunion on par with Daryl’s reunion with Carol in the woods outside Terminus.  One would think the woman Daryl supposedly loves would receive a better, more heartfelt welcome.  OH.  

Leah sure loves to point a shotgun at Daryl’s face, doesn’t she?  Can you feel the love tonight.  No, Elton.  I cannot.  

Dog has a weakness for the ladies.  Whether they have homicidal tendencies or not.  

Daryl’s all “Dog, C’mon.  Let’s get TF outta here.  She’s one crazy bitch.”  Then her even crazier fam converges.  

Eleven years in and I still love TWD’s opening theme.  

Nothing says “I love you” quite like a burlap sack over the head.  

So yeah.  Anybody else detect the same hint of vulnerable uncertainty in Daryl’s voice when he tells Leah “I came back for you” as when he asked Carol “why’d you go?”  Funny how in one instance, everybody’s (well, a certain group) is like omigosh.  I think I ship them.  And the other?  They’re like “aww, his mommy hurt his feelings”?  Anyway.  Nice touch, NR.  I do not, by any stretch of the imagination, believe Daryl ever loved Leah.  But she gave him companionship when he was drowning in hopeless loneliness and he’d lost those closest to him so he convinced himself he cared and she was what and who he deserved.  

“These people are my family.  They never stopped looking for me.  When they found me, I came home.”  Interesting how Leah could give Daryl an ultimatum to sever ties with his family and home and yet when her own family returned?  Different damn story.  

Daryl’s face when he realizes how far down Leah’s priority list he is and the bullet that he dodged.  Well.  Almost.  

Daryl lying for all he’s worth.  His anything for them/us/family moment?  

Apparently, love is a chloroform rag to the face for some.  I mean.  There are kinks and there’s this bullshit.  People actually ship this toxic fuckery?  

Guess waterboarding is Leah’s love language.  You have to wonder how else she’s shown her “affection” in that time jump plot point romance.  

WTF did Maggie do to earn these Looney Tunes’ obsession?  

“Go ahead and kill me if you want.”  Oh, Baby.  Daryl, no.  

Oh look.  Daryl’s locked up in a cage again. How novel.  How original.  How very Season 7 of you, Angela.  

“Understand?  Hear me?  Got it?”  Daryl, honey.  You’re not exactly the best at this whole covert thing, are you?  Thank goodness, Frost picked up what you were throwing down.  

“I’ve never lied to you.”  Just before Daryl proceeds to do exactly that for much of the episode.  Methinks, it’s just one whopper after another with her right there because I’m not convinced Leah knows about Carol.  

Look at Leah showing more genuine emotion over her “dead brother” than her newly returned “lover.”  Something ain’t quite right.  

Leah’s cold, sure.  Not sure if I buy LC as a mercenary though.  

Listen.  Daryl telling Leah he got scared and admitting it was because he didn’t want to let go practically feels like a gimme here.  Who you afraid of letting go, Daryl?  Hmm?  Psst.  Rhymes with Carol.  

Girl, you wouldn’t have worked period but whatever.  

“Tall, skinny guy.  Never shuts up.”  Ofc, that’s Negan, lol.  

LOL at Pope’s line to Leah--”not everything is about you, Leah.”  

Him also asking her “you find what you’re looking for?”  is interesting to me and goes right along with Carol’s subconscious asking her the same question.  The parallels are everywhere with these two.  If they don’t get the chance to meet---

“I never said he loved me.”  At least she realizes that.  

Why does Daryl look like he’s wearing guy liner in that firetrap scene?  Glam rock Daryl.  

“We were the Chosen Ones.”  New season, same song, different verse.  All the diferent shades of cray-cray with this one.  

Overall impression?  Not a bad episode, but not necessarily enthralling either.  At this point, all the different villains we’ve had on this show just feel like they’re passing along a relay baton or something and picking straight up where the last one left off.  

Daryl seems to well and truly know where he belongs now, because he looked like he couldn’t be bothered to rub two fucks together where Leah was concerned.  He just wanted to get the hell outta Dodge.  

The Reapers are all pretty darn attractive.  So at least there’s some nice eye candy to admire while we’re waiting for them to vamoose. 

I just want more Carol this season. Is that too much to ask considering she’s the first billed female character and the second billed character over all?  

Next episode looks to be populated with less newbs so there’s that.  I am ready for a break from all the new people, lol.  I just want to sit with and visit some old friends for a while.  I’m certain I’m not alone.  

Okay.  That is all.  For now, lol.  

I’ll be back sometime tomorrow probably to give my impressions and commentary of Episode 5.  

G’night.  

[softer-ua]

First Episode Breakdown- part 2

This Is where Katsukis character completly unraveled for me

(Part 1)

We’re 9 minutes in, I’m enjoying the show but the set up was simple so I wasn’t paying that close attention just casually cheering Deku on and having fun hating on Blasty right up until-

This shit came out of left field, I remember my neck popped from how hard I jerked at the blasting noise. Fucker broke Dekus desk, and I’m like ooh okay villain villain I see you

But then it got weird, their shit teacher doesn’t stop them and Katsukis entire demeanor has changed

We know Deku’s quirkless, it’s been hammered in for the lasting 10ish minutes. So why does Deku think Katsuki sees him as competition, why does Katsuki think Deku is a threat when he was just …

Laughing it up cockily ready to go to against his entire class, but suddenly the quirkless kid who we’ve already seen you beat up easily, has no friends, and the teacher just lets students blow up his desk is a threat?

Something isn’t adding up for me. Kid him was completely self assured of his and Dekus place.

He thinks Dekus a little strange for sticking up to him but he’s made to look like he’s actually looking forward to beating up another kid. He makes a snide comment about Deku being unable to be a hero than leaves him in the dirt no problem. Just a awful little shit through and through.

But middle school Bakugo?

He has actual beef. He’s trying to prove a point that as of yet we have no context for.

He’s clearly not doing it for fun and just because he can like a stereotypical bully would. He’s clearly upset and not enjoying this interaction.

Deku can’t just be an easy target to make Katsuki feel better because Katsuki gains nothing from showing him up and wasn’t feeling bad about anything before this happened. Also he doesn’t seem to feel any better afterwards.

I was kinda leaning towards Bakugo just hating quirkless people but “Defenseless Izuku, you’d die in the exams” on top of the “why” makes it seem like it’s more personal, and he never makes any generalizations about quirkless people. If bigotry was the marker he was supposed to hit he’d have said something gross by this point.

Dekus not shown to be a threat to Katsuki on the food chain at all. The class doesn’t like him, he has no power, and the teacher doesn’t care about him. Deku isn’t really rocking the boat in a significant way.

There’s absolutely zero logical reason Katsuki shouldn’t have laughed him off like the rest of the class

But this Katsuki can’t let it be, he’s no longer capable of walking away from Deku

How could he possibly not have made his point earlier? Wtf is his deal, why won’t he leave my broccoli bb alone??????

Katsukis goons actually make it more evident how not stereotypical Katsukis being

They’re have actual fun at Deku expense, making Bakugo seem that much more serious.

No this Katsuki isn’t trying to gain something, he’s trying to insure he doesn’t lose something

Just taking the note book? Too basic.

Singeing it to hell? Not good enough.

Turning it to actual ash? Makes too much sense.

Tossing it out the fucking window?? Sure, why not you weird hellish monster child.

(Fuck anyone sitting under that window you have a point to prove. You need to prove that you the kid with all the power and clout are stronger than the kid with nothing)

“That’s so mean”?? Deku why do you seem at all surprised by his shitheadness ?? He’s a bully?? This is what he does??? Seriously, Honey, get your head in the mf game here

Bakugo: *gives another speech about how great he is*

Also Bakugo:

Bitch tf you so scared of Deku for??

Wow I am supposed to hate him with my entire being, they want me to wish for bad things to happen to him. And it is working

Oh shit Dekus mad? We gonna find out why Bakugo’s so scared??

Nope. I’m just going to be more confused. He shut Deku up right quick and I’m lost af about why the last 5 minutes have even happened.

Now we get Dekus whole background and it is so sad in the most real world mundane way, just a series of beat downs from life and it looks like it’s only getting worse. Nothing more on Katsuki.

Okay first episode is over and I still don’t know why Bakugo’s character did a 180. The teacher said Deku also wanted to get into UA and Katsuki’s bravado flew south for the fucking winter with no explanation or even a farewell message.

Seriously, weirdest personality snap I’ve ever seen. Mostly because they just let it slide, there was no trigger scene to build up to this nor any breakdown or breakthrough. It accomplished nothing for either side, Deku wasn’t dissuaded and Katsuki doesn’t feel any more settled.

Deku was never exposed to be a bigger threat than his other classmates, in fact it’s the exact opposite. He’s also never shown to have more potential than Katsuki in anyway.

Remember at this point we don’t know anything about their relationship.

We don’t know they used to be friends

We don’t know that Katsuki recognizes Deku as a truly heroic person (we get a glimpse of him acting like an even smaller Steve Rogers but it’s immediately made clear that Deku gained nothing except an understanding that other people can kick his ass. Like pre-serum Cap at least makes friends, but the kid who Deku stood up for grows up to be Katsukis lackey)

We don’t know even what Dekus grades are like, we only know that the teacher thought it was appropriate to say Katsuki had good enough grades to get into UA and then the teacher only says Deku wants to apply. A complement for Katsuki, a call out for Deku.

So I’m hooked, I need to know why a clearly essential character has lost their designated markers so early. Like he should have found Deku trying to be a hero actually funny and pointless, no one else in the class took him seriously.

If Katsuki really thought Deku was worse than the rest why would he bother giving a show of strength and another speech? He didn’t seem even slightly bothered by the other kids??

Why would he bother asking if Deku thought UA would take him over Mr.BombThreat

More importantly than everything else though, is how does Deku know to try an assure Katsuki that he isn’t a threat?

Deku would have made a thousand times more sense to be confused by Katsuki even asking the question, or just simply not understanding and trying to explain why he could compete, especially since assuring him isn’t shown to help him.

Why would he try to coddle Katsuki if he gains nothing and it doesn’t mollify Katsuki in anyway?

🕵🏻‍♀️🕵🏻🕵🏼‍♂️

[emsvegetables]

“Can I pls request hcs with semi, shirabu, tendou and futakuchi where they walk in on their s/o being bullied? I’m sorry if you don’t feel comfortable writing this, I love your writing btw ❤️”

AWW!!!! thank you anon!!! <3!!!! ofc i’ll do it!!! ALSO LAALLALAAL JUST SAYING I LOVE FUTAKUCHI LALALALALA

Semi:

* tbh Semi’s a very patient guy.

* like??? absolute patience. this man has attained the highest level of patience.

* but when he walks pass a stairway, and he hears someone spewing rude shit at another person??? he’s pissed.

* like ????? wtf????

* he can’t stand bullies, so he’s heading down to talk to that ass.

* but when he sees who’s getting bullied???

* lmao you bet that mf going to die.

* “what’s going on?”

* he’s asking, and he’s looking at the guy with the COLDEST glare on his face.

* this is the first time you’ve seen Semi this angry.

* then he’s walking forward, and pulling you behind him, and he’s folding his arms.

* “what’s going on here?” he’s asking again, and that mf BETTER reply.

* “nothing, man,” the guy says coolly, and that’s when Semi actually feels like MURDERING someone.

* “then what the hell did you say to (Y/N) just now?”

* and when the guy walks away???? oh boy Semi’s PISSED OFF.

* anyway you have to hold Semi back from running after the guy to scold him, and when he looks at you, he’s instantly making sure you’re not hurt, and asks if you’re alright.

* when he’s checked to see if you have any injuries, he’s asking you if this has happened before.

* when you nod, he’s frowning at you, but he pulls you into a hug and presses a kiss onto your forehead and reassures you that he won’t let that happen to you again.

* LOL he’s telling Tendou and Ushijima what happened.

* anyway the guy comes up to apologise to you the next day, and he’s looking around, with a terrified expression on his face, as if waiting for someone to hit him.

* you accept his apology, and you never find out why he apologised LOL

* bonus:

* “(Y/N), are you alright?”

* “oh, i’m fine, Ushijima-san! why?”

* “that guy won’t bother you again.”

* “eh??????”

Shirabu:

* okay.

* Shirabu is usually a very calm guy.

* the only thing that can get him worked up is GOSHIKI, and if anyone hurts you.

* then they have to deal with him.

* anyway, he probably finds out when Tendou sends him to the club room to take some vests for the team to play, and as he runs to the club room, he sees you.

* you look defiant, but your eyes have tears welling up in them, and he realises that the guy standing in front of you was definitely not complimenting you.

* so he’s storming over, before he’s calmly asking,” who’s this, (Y/N)?”

* he’s making sure to step in front of you, to shield you from that bastard who dared to bully you, and he’s staring him down.

* “what were you saying to her?” he’s asking the guy, and his voice is ice-cold, and so is his stare.

* when the guy merely shrugs it off, Shirabu sighs.

* THEN HE PUNCHES HIM.

* YOU DID NOT EXPECT THAT.

* anyway, it happens so fast that Shirabu’s hands are dropping down to his side in a flash.

* almost as if nothing happened.

* THEN THE GUY RUNS LOL

* afterwards, Shirabu’s pulling you into a tight hug, and patting you on the back lightly.

* “are you alright?” he’s asking you gently, and he pulls back to see if you’ve been hurt anywhere.

* when you nod your head, he smiles slightly at you, and presses a kiss to your cheek before jogging away bc he’s LATE.

* anyway your bully comes to school the next day with a black eye LOL

* you didn’t know Shirabu had it in him LMAO

* bonus:

* “hey, (Y/N), did you know Shirabu was missing from practice for like ten minutes yesterday?”

* “oh, no, Tendou-san, why?”

* “i don’t know—he came back with bruised knuckles, though—“

Tendou:

* LMAO MY CRACKHEAD BABY

* he pulls the most craziest shit ever.

* but the shit that he’ll pull for YOU??? out of this world baby

* so he’s walking around with Ushijima during lunch, and when he turns around the corner and overhears someone being talked down to.

* he’s like ??????? who tf messing around here??????

* anyway bc he’s a nice guy, he’s going to stop in to help.

* so he’s stepping into that stairway with Ushijima, and he’s friendly smile instantly wipes off his face when he sees you.

* the idiot still doesn’t notice the two looming figures above him.

* lmao idiot!!!

* anyway

* “what are you doing to my dearest (Y/N)?”

* his smile is back on his face!!! but it isn’t his friendly smile LOLOLOL

* it’s his: I AM GOING TO RIP YOUR INSIDES OUT smile.

* when the guy merely sneers and rolls his eyes, Tendou smiles even wider.

* “hey, Ushijima?”

* “yes, Tendou?”

* “don’t hold me back.”

* so Tendou’s LUNGING at the guy, and attacking him LMAOOOOOO

* anyway YOU have to pull him off, and Ushijima is standing there, blinking, because Tendou told him not to hold Tendou back, so he’s listening.

* AHAHA ANYWAYS

* Tendou makes the guy apologise to you, and when he finally does that, the guy quickly runs away.

* then Tendou’s looking at you and pressing his hands on your cheeks.

* “you okay?”

* when you nod, he’s squishes your cheeks and nods happily at you.

* “you tell me when someone bothers you again, okay?”

* bonus:

* “Ushijima-san! why didn’t you help me stop Tendou?”

* “because Tendou told me not to hold him back.”

* “HUH? so you LISTENED to him?”

* “was i not supposed to?”

Futakuchi:

* OMG I LOVE FUTAKUCHI PLS REQ MORE OF HIM IM BEGGING YOU

* N E WAYSSSS

* Futakuchi has no chill, lol.

* he’s so snarky!!! and sarcastic!!!! he literally pisses his seniors off????

* but he’s so sweet to you.

* and he’ll do anything for you if you call him “hon”.

* so he’s casually walking around with Aone during lunch, when he passes by a staircase.

* then they hear some muffled voices, and a very clear degrading name get said out.

* Aone, bless him, moves forward to see more, bc he will not let anyone get bullied under his watch!!!

* tbh Futakuchi could not care less AHAHAH

* but for some reason he had this weird feeling in his heart??? so he decided to follow Aone.

* anyway the weird feeling in his heart intensifies when he realises the degrading name was directed at YOU.

* so he’s striding forward, and he’s FUMING.

* he’s normally very pissy on a daily basis, but this is the first time you’ve seen him TRULY angry.

* “what the fuck are you doing?”

* he instantly reaches your side within two seconds and he’s making sure you’re behind him and he’s looking down on the dude.

* “can’t you hear me? i asked, what the fuck are you doing?”

* he’s asking again, and he’s SO PISSED OFF.

* and when the guy rolls his eyes, you see Futakuchi clench his fist.

* “do you have some problem with your eye? i would love to fix it for you.”

* he’s moving forward, and you’re too slow to stop him, and when his arm flies up, it lands on Aone’s chest.

* “leave, now.”

* Aone opened his mouth!!!!!!!

* with Date Tech’s iron wall staring at that little shit, do you think he’ll run away??

* anyway your bully runs away.

* Futakuchi’s instantly bending down to your eye level and looking at you.

* “he didn’t hurt you, did he?”

* he’s making sure you’re fine, and his arms are gently reaching for yours.

* he’s so soft for you tbh

* and when he makes sure you’re fine, he sighs and swoops down to press a quick kiss onto your lips.

* “i’ll make sure that guy won’t do anything to you ever again.”

* “NO don’t Kenji!!!!”

* bonus:

* “hey babe, did that guy apologise to you yet?”

* “huh, no he didn’t, why?”

* “oh wtf that little shit guess one beating wasn’t enough for him huh????”

* “i thought you said you wouldn’t do anything to him???????”

AHHH I HOPE YOU LIKED IT FKRKFKFK

REQUESTS ARE OPENED!!!!

ps . i simp for Futakuchi. ;) ;)!!!!

[datleggy]

a list of every anime i love/recommend, accumulated over the last 10+ years

1. NATSUME YUUJINCHOU 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

The main character is a teenage boy named Natsume, whose parents died when he was too young to remember them properly. He’s passed around random relatives homes, but because he can see yokai (spirits), he’s ostracized by classmates and his foster families (ALL HIS CHILDHOOD FLASHBACKS ARE SO FUCKING SAD) and eventually very distant relatives (an older couple who never had kids of their own and have so much goddamn love to give D:!!!) take Natsume in, and the story basically starts from there. 

It’s a very heart-warming story following Natsume’s new life in this new town, accepting his ability to see yokai, forging new relationships in the form of friends and family, and even with the yokai themselves. 

This is honestly probably my favorite anime/manga period, because it’s so sad but so cathartic and you watch as the main character grows and learns to trust those around him, and finally gets the unconditional love he’s always deserved, not to MENTION THE FACT THAT THEY DO A WHOLE EP WHERE NATSUME IS TURNED BACK INTO A LITTLE KID AND IT IS SOOOO GOOD OMG

Plus for those of you who enjoy whump, this show has a decent amount of it. Mainly emotional whump, but also some episodes where Natsume is injured or sick--as well as I believe one where his companion (the chubby cat on his shoulder who’s actually a pretty badass yokai) gets shot with an arrow and is down for the count. 

10/10 would and have watched again. 

2. KODOCHA NO OMOCHA 

SUMMARY/REVIEW:  The main character is a sixth grader named Sana. She’s a gifted actress on a t.v. show everyone likes and she’s silly and fun, very intuitive and surprisingly empathetic for a child. 

Her main problem is in school, where Akito, who she deems the leader of her class’ wolf pack of rowdy rude boys, lets them terrorize not just the teacher, but all the girls in class, as well. 

I don’t really want to give a lot away, so I’ll just state the obvious. This anime/manga is shoujo, which means that it does focus on a romantic relationship throughout the series. Mainly the one between Sana and Akito. Sana is absolutely oblivious about her own feelings, while Akito is a stubborn little shit. 

I remember watching this at like, age 12 maybe? And I really enjoyed it because (although I do enjoy your typical silly doesn’t take itself too seriously slice of life shoujo) this particular anime, while super funny and light hearted at times, was also really dramatic and even kinda dark, which was surprising considering the characters ages and the general kid-friendly vibe (especially the opening for the anime). 

3. DETECTIVE CONAN

SUMMARY/REVIEW:  Our main character is initially Shinichi Kudo, teenage detective, who’s on a date with childhood sweetheart Ran (whose father also happens to a detective but like....not a good one lmao), when his nosy ass self decides to go and check out some shady business and gets “poisoned”. 

The poison he’s given is intended to kill him, but what it actually does is turn him back into a child. And now, as Conan Edogawa, (who’s 7 but like....we just supposed to believe all these cops and detectives on the force are cool with a seven year old wee lil babe on these really gruesome ass crime scenes??? lmaoooo) we follow him on his adventures as he solves crimes and tries to solve the biggest mystery of all, his own! 

I absolutely LOVE this anime/manga, even though I’ll be honest, there is SO MUCH FILLER, but I like the characters enough that I really don’t mind. The show is at least 900+ episodes in at this point, and there are a total of 26 movies so far, last time I checked. 

Also, the show is a whump fangirls’ dream come true. The main character is thrown out of windows, balconies, shot at, and in one occasion actually shot, he’s had broken bones, sprains, almost been blown up or drowned/burned, been sick, and oh, his occasional transformations from child to teenager are incredibly painful. 

This show is probably at fault for my love of whump, since it was one of my first animes at like, age 9. smh. 

4. THE DEVIL IS A PART-TIMER!

REVIEW:

I’m not even going to summarize this one. The title does it for me. This is truly one of the funniest animes I’ve ever seen. Motherfuckin Satan works at a McDonalds part time and it is the BEST. 

Technically I would count this show as a kind of harem, but only because there are like three main girl characters after the overlord Satan himself. I usually dislike harem type animes but the way this is done is sooooo good I couldn’t resist. 

I would watch a million filler episodes of Satan trying to solve problems at his minimum wage job tbh. I love every single character, I love the plot, I love everything about this anime! In terms of comedy (with the occasional plot driven serious moments) this is IT bro. 

5. BLACK BUTLER

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

The main character is Ciel Phantomhive (roughly 14 years old). His parents are killed, his house is burned to ashes, and he’s kidnapped (around age 9 or 10 I believe) and abused. During this abuse Ciel calls upon a demon to free him and help him get revenge on those who harmed the Phantomhive household, which is where Sebastian, one “hell of a good butler” comes in. 

We then follow Ciel and Sebastian on their path of vengeance, and along the way we meet Ciel’s human servants, three very clumsy and seemingly bad at their given tasks characters (i love them all), and some of his extended relatives and connections. 

My favorite thing about Black Butler is the art, both in the anime and manga. Everything is so detailed and pretty! 

The characters are interesting, the plot is dark but they manage to make most of the series overall pretty light-hearted and funny in general. Though of course there are chapters/parts of the series that get really grim (which duh, the whole thing focuses on revenge so...) 

I have to say, the arc I enjoyed the most has to be the movie, Black Butler: Book Of the Atlantic. It is beautifully drawn and sooooooo entertaining. 

6. INUYASHA 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

Our main characters are Inuyasha, a half-demon, who’s been in a sort of spiritually binding coma for the last few decades, and fourteen year old Kagome, who falls into an old well in her family’s shrine and finds herself being transported into another time period. 

Together, she and Inuyasha travel across the lands in the feudal era to find the scattered shards of the shikon jewel, a powerful jewel which grants anyone who possesses it ultimate power. 

I was too young to stay up and watch Inuyasha on adult swim, so my mom would tape the show on a VCR for me to watch the next day after school--yes, I’m old old. lmaoooo I ADORE this show. 

It’s so good! It’s got everything! A tortured lil half-demon with a sad past who’s stubborn and rude but got a good heart! A fierce and equally as stubborn main protagonist, who’s whole ass family knows exactly where she goes off to??? and are supportive af????? like???? her mama packs her and her squad of demon/exorcist/demon hunter pals bentos?!?! lmao i love it. 

The characters are awesome and funny and likable as all heck, and of course they all have their sad backstory, but like, unlike some animes (lookin at YOU Naruto) they don’t go mega overboard on it, at least not without some plot behind the episode. 

7. YU YU HAKUSHO 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

Before I even start in on the summary, ya’ll should watch this soley bc of the cute ass 90′s style animation alone. LOOK AT ALL THAT SHINY HAIR!

ANYWAY. Main character is teenage hooligan and overall cutie pie Yusuke! He gets struck by a car and fucking DIES in the first episode after shoving a little boy out of the way, only to end up in the spirit world where the head honcho up there (who looks like a wee baby) tells him “Oh shit, didn’t expect you to like, actually do anything self-sacrificing EVER so like, you’re not on our list of people who were supposed to die today...” 

And uh, I don’t wanna give anything away, so I’m just gonna say that if you haven’t seen this anime yet, you definitely should! It’s hilarious and dramatic, the fight scenes are very well done, all the side characters, who eventually become main characters are a blessing (specifically Hiei, who’ve I’ve had a crush on since I was 12) and the ending is a satisfying one, which you can’t really say for a lot of media. 

8. CHRONO CRUSADE 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

I still get weepy when I think of this anime, so all I’ll say is it’s about a badass demon slaying nurse and her demon companion and some very tragic shit. 

It’s a great anime overall, especially if you like crying yourself to sleep at night :) 

9. GHOST HUNT

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

The main character is high school student Mai, who is hired by Naru, the head of a Shibuya psychic research, and together, with a group of questionable exorcists/psychics, they encounter paranormal phenomenons and some outright scary shit. 

I’m not really a fan of the horror genre tbh but I do like mystery, and the series deals with that quite a bit. They deal with each case for several episodes so nothing feels too rushed. 

The series is really fun in a creepy, wtf is that way. I recommend the manga, only because it’s more detailed in terms of plot than the anime. 

10. ASSASSINATION CLASSROOM 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

I didn’t really make this list in any particular order but if I had to say, Assassination Classroom and Natsume Yuujinchou probably tie for BEST ANIME PERIOD! 

This anime is about a weird ass “alien” creature, no one knows where it came from or why tf it’s here on earth, all they know is that in one year it’s threatened to blow the world up. 

His only request to the government is that they let him become a teacher for Class E, the worst class of Kunugigaoka Junior High School, and he will stay put, so that they can attempt an assassination on him during this one year period. 

AND LISTEN! I am a shallow hoe, so I literally never would have read this manga or watched the series had I not been roaming Barnes and Noble one day with my S.O. and picked it up to read as a JOKE! 

I was hooked after the first chapter and I am soooooooo glad I picked this manga up, bc it is absolutely not the type I would normally go for, cover art wise. I finally, after many many years, learned not to judge a book by its cover bc LORD this anime is so goddamn good, you don’t understand! Like, I’ve watched it so many times and still laugh at the same parts, cry at the same parts, am proud af at the same parts! like, this anime is an instant classic and should definitely be more popular than it is. 

assassination classroom and natsume yuujinchou????? MASTERPIECES! 

[eallisnwndrlnd]

Moving On From 2018

One thing I can say that I love about New Years is that it’s like life feels like it gave you a bit of a reset button. Not erasing anything but at least working towards improving what you did or didn’t do the past year. I definitely need that reset for this past year 2018. 

Most of the year was in a bit of a stressful blur. I’m not going to bother reflecting on my previous New Years post since most of what I had hoped to come into fruition didn’t. All I can say is despite my battle with my depression and anxiety being the major factor in my stressed out year, I managed to accomplish some things. May not have been most of what I had planned but hey, that’s life sometimes. 

This past 2018 I completed my 3rd year, completed my internship hours and my first semester of my last school year in college. 

Even if I didn’t get in any of the companies I may have wished for my internship, I was lucky to find a company where I had a chance to utilize my skills and creativity in my writing and photography. It was pretty stressful initially when I was not getting any response from any of the fifteen companies I applied to. Thankfully it all worked out in the end. I even had fun and made it feel like a vacation with a classmate that became roommate and friend. I was feeling less claustrophobic when I was in our shared apartment in BGC, Taguig, away from the many reasons for my stress and anxiety. I was able to let myself forget about it at least during those short two months during break. 

Going straight into the start of 4th year with unresolved issues and things that needed to be done, my stress and anxiety kicked into overdrive as schoolwork and personal issues at home gradually stacked up against me. By the end of the semester I was completely wound tight and sensitive as hell where I felt at any moment I could break. There were some close calls close to the end that’s for sure. Especially with some family drama that nearly buried me in an emotional quicksand. I ended up breaking down in front of my teacher for thesis because I thoroughly let myself down on that one. I was in no shape to complete it in time for the scheduled defense that was a few weeks ago. When it all comes down to it, no one is harder on me than myself. I put the high expectations on me and when I don’t meet them or make a mistake or complete it short of perfection, I dwell on it to no end. Then there was the matter of film and theatre class, where if I were back home, I may have enjoyed and been extremely enthusiastic about but alas due to my poor fluency in Tagalog I wasn’t able to truly be a part of the major projects we had to complete. I ended up taking roles that were so far away from what I really wanted to contribute but as the stories were in a language and culture that I still didn’t fully understand, I was in no way able to contribute in the way I would have wanted to anyway.(One of the brighter spots of film was being able to share some of my favorite films of all time and also participate in our groups documentary on a Badjao community despite being in pain and sick more than half the time. Seeing and meeting some of the people with their strength and courage and determination despite their hardships, really helps one put things in perspective.) With the organizations I am a part of, even if I had a minor role in all three, I still didn’t feel up to the task. I really kind of played dead dog for most of my responsibilities in ISO. 

Honestly, this semester and even last semester, I felt myself ever so slightly detach from everything and kind of just mechanically go through the motions just managing to barrel through out of sheer need to complete my four years in college, do well and graduate. This semester is the first time in over four years where I found myself nearly having an anxiety attack. Not once, but three times. Once during debate when my brain refused to memorize my speech and then I fucked up completely during the recitation for my midterms. (I’m just thankful that my written speech helped me pick my grade up for that. Writer I may be, but speaker I sorely am not) It didn’t help that I still get a bit of stage fright every once in a while. Then the second was when my cousin messaged me about my mother having a schizophrenic episode and that it was causing drama and issues. The third one was during one of our theatre rehearsals and that one had no initial trigger except my stupid bronchitis that refused to go away that came out of a cold that has lasted frakking forever. Toss in several emotional breakdowns and smoking a ciggy after three years ciggy free and I could say I was down for the count. These past holidays of Thanksgiving and then Christmas were kind of meh considering I was sick for the first one and ma and I both were sick for the latter. But I pretty much had been sick on and off all this past semester and throw in my fibromyalgia kicking in worse than its been in the past four years, bringing spasms of pain that brought me to tears and bouts of insomnia this entire past year, 2018 brought more pain in more ways than one than anything else. I’m just thankful my ma, pop and family and friends (and my possessed cat, Gandalf) are still healthy and those that aren’t so much are on the road to being so, hopefully soon. 

This new year 2019 is hopefully the year where I finally meet one of my lifetime goals of graduating and getting a college degree. After so much work and sacrifice not only from me but my parents, I need to reach that goal. I will be starting my fourth year second semester at the end of this month but before that hopefully will have completed our final film and theatre projects as well as getting some traction in completing my thesis that is now not a solo one as I included three classmates to be a part of it. At the end of the day, even if I had wanted my thesis, that I started with on my own, to be solely mine, I had to consider my health both mentally and physically which became the deciding factor in no longer trying to push myself in such a way that would’ve hurt me rather than help. As I near graduation, I will set out in determining what I want to do afterwards. Whether I stay here (that’s only if I get an opportunity down the road) or go back to the States or go to another country has yet to be determined. If I were to go back to the States, I’d then have to decide which state I’d be moving to. Or rather, WE would be moving to. We as in me and mother. Yes, my mom is a big factor in my decision. She has to be, there’s no point deluding myself that I would be comfortable with any other scenario. I’ve watched over that woman pretty much all my life and have been a sort of parent-like person for her since I was a kid. As she grows older and goes deeper into her schizophrenia and becomes more fragile, I cannot in my heart think of any other alternative other than keeping her with me. It’s not some martyrdom complex or anything like that, it’s just how I am wired. Even with all my issues and the mental, emotional and physical toll it has taken on me, I love my mom and she brought me up the best way she knew how or could do. I can’t fault her for her illness and I can’t ignore the fact that she needs me as much as I need to know she is ok...as ok as she is capable of being. I may gripe and such but let’s face it, these are the cards I was dealt and I’ve managed all this time somehow and I’m pretty sure as I get older and wiser I’ll get better and better at doing so. But for the most part I can say I’m at peace with my decision (even when a tiny voice inside my head screams at me WTF are you thinking!!! HEEELP MEEE!) Now I’m just torn between should I stay or should I go (now. ....sorry had to. As I was typing those words I was singing it dammit!!!) And if I go, go where exactly? What do I do with my cat? How tf am I getting the beloved furry pain in my butt to come with me? What best fits not only my needs but my mothers and (if my furbaby is coming) Gandalf? New York? (That’s expensive AF) San Francisco? (SAME! but but SWEATER WEATHER LOVE!!!) L.A. (I’m not gonna lie, my home city is the last choice on my short list) Seattle? (perhaps but can my ma stand the so called gloomy weather which I am partial to?) S.A. (STOP! HAULT! DO NOT GO THERE! Though I have many fond memories and do love the city in many ways including my family and friends..and cheaper rent per square foot...and delicious bbq...I just can’t...cuz politics, namely its states’ politics. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want my tree hugging, In-N-Out loving ass either anyhow.) I guess I can only say We’ll see. As I get closer to the end of my fourth year I’ll be more sure of which direction I’d want to go but so many things can still happen from now to then so I just want to leave myself open to any possibility that I may not have even thought of. 

So besides all that ‘off to the future I go’ crap, lets see...what do I want to see myself accomplish this year. I...

Must read more books (last year was depressing af for my bookwormish self as I only read three books, actually technically two were only completed in 2018 but I started in 2017. Now that’s sad for someone who used to down one to two books a day and read as she walked) 

Must get rid of more of my shit (I actually have been slowly accomplishing this little by little but seeing as it is nearing the end of my time at UB I must do this in its entirety by the middle of the year.) 

Must write at least one script of my own and complete it. (I have a few synopsis ideas written down, I just need to sit my butt down and make it a full story) 

Hope to go to Tokyo, Australia, New Zealand, Thailand and again to South Korea. (At least Tokyo I hope for this year) 

Must lose the weight I gained only during this past semester. (I can only fit my rollies into two of my jeans and both have holes, one was bought that way and the other lost the battle with a tricycle and a school chair) 

Must cook more (I actually have been little by little doing just that, thanks to Instagram people who post recipes that motivate my lazy ass into wanting to cook what’s in the picture.) 

Must regularly volunteer again(Unfortunately I haven’t taken much time to do any since I’ve been here. Hopefully once my workload at school eases I can finally take the time to do this. It’s one of the things I love doing with my time because it’s the time when I can do something that isn’t for me but for someone else which I guess in a way is also for me in the sense that it just makes me feel good.) 

Must explore more of the Philippines (hopefully after I graduate we can do this) 

Hope to get to Guru level on Gurushots (only need to mark off four more of the criteria to get there) 

Hope to learn a third language (I’m thinking either Spanish or Korean since I at least know some vocabulary and short phrases already. The fact that I would love to be able to watch my kdramas without subtitles definitely gives me the incentive to lean toward the latter.) 

Hope to get more than four hours of sleep on average. (I would love that, only if my neighbors (front, both sides and back) dogs and Gandolf agree to keep it quiet during the wee hours in the morning)  

Must follow my daily, weekly, monthly goal checklist for more than just one month (yup that’s pretty much all that it lasted give or take a few weeks then days, last year) 

If I can manage to even complete a fourth of that which is mentioned above, I will have done this long ass blog entry justice. So if y’all managed to reach the end of all this ridiculousness, I wish to say to you HAPPY NEW YEAR and may this year and the many years to come bring you all you hope for and more. Let’s 2019 the shit out of this frakking year and make it our bitch!!!

(At least I can say with this yearly blog entry that I’ve managed to keep this one and only friggin tradition during New Years)

[pokefanbri]

I got in touch with my 1st love a couple months ago..hes a half native American & white dude, pretty pudgy now like triple the size of himself in middle school lol. Doesn't have much time left on this earth I feel for him, im glad I know now cause if I hadn't it probably would've been alot more devastating. Doesnt have to wear a mask cuz really whats the point. We met for coffee, got to hang out at the mall & he visited my work, we did talk & clear the air..got some things out that were left unsaid & i gotta say it really did help & we're better for it 😊 we're now cool & no hard feelings.

We used to be on & off in hs but the last time I broke it off with him for good reasons & also due to my mother 😒 If it weren't for him & our own experiences, & then every guy since...I would've have known how much I really love or attached I can be to someone (which has been all of them really but does disintegrate over time & going into new relationships they become just a distant memory as the yrs go by & then ur all about the new guy 🤔 basically right) or how unattached I can get when I just dont love them anymore...(of which has only happened twice)

For the record I've had 5 relationships my whole life...not counting flings..out of 2 they broke up with me.. & they so happen to be the ones i fell hard & fast for...its a common theme but they are the best ones I've experienced & I think I have a confirmed type now that I think about it lol. Im thinking too much again, but..they're top tier unforgettable.

I fell damn fucking hard this time around just like I did Thomas..don't think I got enough of him either...😤 seriously wtf is it with these charming & hilarious, headstrong, smart ass, string bean, stoner, Leo men fucking my heart up after only a few months time! What is the universe trying to tell me! I swear to God in another lifetime they would've been friends its an incredible likeness. History repeated itself it seems..I was so in love with him too, we were only 19 but omg he was awesome & we were ALL OVER EACHOTHER 🤤. He was my coworker, a red headed skinny bobblehead tho, & lived in my apt complex his best friend Danny boy did too in his own, hard core Call of Duty players I remember they high jacked my tv for optimum experience...😒 walking the tv across the parking lot was super sketchy looking lol.

Anyway after Thomas broke up with me for saying the L word "too soon" it freaked him out I guess & my brain cracked from the devastation...doctors are convinced it was the weed 😒 and apparently I ODd on Tylenol...crock of bs btw but whatever...i couldn't sleep & for days I was in a haze til I finally called my aunt for help & all of a sudden I was locked away in a psych ward for 2 weeks so they could observe what was wrong & diagnose me. Had to quit pima college & stop working, put everything on hold for my health. After I came back, Tom admitted he wanted me back but he hated my 1st love with a passion. I confessed I was back with my 1st as he was there at my side & visiting..when Tom had no idea where tf I was, me missing worried him sick. I had no clue & for all I knew he forgot about me while I was grieving over us in the hospital (I couldn't have my phone..knew a select few #s by heart otherwise he would've been the 1st I'd call), I was still dazed & super fucked up from the hospital..just outright exhausted when Thomas came to my apartment wanting to try again....yea I messed that up though regretfully. I told him the truth...I know it hurt him, hurt me too. Never saw Thomas again 😔 he was my 2nd, wonder how he is.

After I broke up with my 1st there was like a 1 or 2 month relationship with a fat Irish dude named Patrick I met from college, he insulted my mom..kicked his ass the curb 😂 yea she chased him away too just like my 1st...but an Irish version..was kinda a deadbeat anyway good riddance. I was alone for about 5 years after that til eventually met my ex-husband matt & was with him for technically 7 years & then that ended.

Long story short I was hit with another love bomb over the past year (T2.0 lol) & the fallout is taking forever to disapate lol...well good technically I don't want it to yet lmao, it feels good to love someone with a full heart except for the fact they ain't here 😔

I love genuinely & with a full heart, ive never had a problem with love, except for my abusive mother I sought approval for....never have I been with someone that didnt want it...didn't want me, until him. If someone shows that to me in a relationship it hurts me at the roots, u don't understand how much it brings out that little girl that just wants to be loved back..to be wanted. It hurts to think im not even worth that. I realize though that he may have his own issues to get past first b4 he can learn to give it back & its not my fault. I should on some things honestly but I don't blame him..not anymore. I blame my own trauma that made me so fucking sensitive & off-putting to him, going from 1 relationship to another without healing first, & not knowing how to function walking on eggshells around a new person trying not to piss them off...not knowing how to do a fresh relationship from the start again....when you've been with 1 person prior for 7 yrs.

I grew up being beaten as a kid, I have no father, my mother chose drugs over her own children, everybody in my family arent like a hallmark card far from it...its fucking tucson ok it's a hell hole. A good amount are notorious for causing trouble around the city, nobody talks to eachother..stays away & fends for themselves, or just killing themselves with drugs & selfishly hurting people around them. Very few of us are really trying to make it out & create life for ourselves but it's really hard to escape because we're all struggling. I cry because I've been strong for way too long on my own, I cry when I think im not good enough. Besides some relationships & friendships along the way for support guess who's always taken care of herself to survive, yours truly. It's a huge accomplishment that I've never been homeless, only a couple times have I had to rely on a friend or family member for a roof over my head & that was just 2020-2021,boy is it good to have connections during a pandemic phew, alot more tough to find someone willing to help. My big sis Lisa, my mentor assigned to me at 12 yrs old cuz my mom couldn't be a real parent lol...she says im a strong princess thats gone through hell & back, she's seen me do it countless times, she can attest to how much of a boss & survivor I am...she knows I deserve nothing but to be appreciated,respected, valued. I'm underestimated all the time because apparently people think they can read what kinda person I am just by looking at me or by word of mouth, hell no very doubtful screw u lol... i don't need anybody's belittling opinions of what kind of person I am ok, how about talk to me & ill see if u in the ballpark lol cuz I guarantee im a boss ass goody 2 shoes that can kick butt 😊. So listen here, I know my worth & I deserve a prince to keep me safe from the big bad world right? I need an actual shoulder to cry on not someone that'll walk away when I need them most 😔 Why tf do I feel like rapunzel & all I get is fuckin Flynn 😂 I'm a queen ok, hear me now.

This will be my 3rd own rented apartment. The 1st time I was a teen & imancipated...had that place for a few years 1st & 2nd love era, 2nd time was the escape from my mother as an adult & I moved away eventually got married. And now at another turning point in my life... escaping a very different hell & losing pretty much everything including the man that started it all, 3rd time is the charm right. Fuck my life sidewinder style. Honestly this is the best apartment complex I've found that I want as my home....its gated nothing can touch me from outside unless I say so, so at least im secure to a point.

Why am I talking and not sleeping 😐 I'm tired, it's 5am now. Yeaaaaa I'm done 💤

[stanmxm]

im youngmin as a prince

this is my first time doing this bear with me please-- it’s also hellaaa long so i put it under the cut to save those who dont want to scroll past the whole thing lol

is highly highly highly respected and loved by everyone in his kingdom

hes so sweet to all his people like he’ll go out of his way to check on them and make sure they’re all doing well bc he loves his kingdom so much

even sent christmas cards and extra food to all the households in the town during the holidays like WHAT A SWEETHEART

anyways

he loves his kingdom so deeply you can imagine how on edge he becomes when his dad is suddenly ill and about to pass

bc now it’s time for youngmin to step in as king and like?? he’s nOT READY

but he can’t let his kingdom NOT have a king like his people need a leader-- and his mother bless her but she doesn’t really have leadership skills rip so youngmin is their only hope

BUT he’s not married.. he can barely talk to girls lmao but it’s against royal law (?) to become a king without a queen so

that’s where you come in

your family is more into the whole “TAKE ALL THE POWER” part of royalty so they really really want to take some control of as many kingdoms as possible

but brand new kingdom (SHOOT ME) (that’s youngmin’s kingdom btw) is way too big and powerful to overtake so what better way to gain some power than to give away their daughter aka you amirite

word gets around pretty fast that youngmin is looking for a wife so they ship you off HELLA QUICK LIKE YOU’RE OFF ON A HORSE BEFORE U CAN BLINK THEY’RE WAVING AND SHIT LIKE “GO GET U THAT MAN BRING US BACK A RICH POWERFUL HEIR”

ur mad the whole way there like tf what if you don’t like youngmin he could be an asshole

needless to say that when you get there he is in fact an asshole lol

there are a bunch of girls there tryna marry him i dont blame them like bitch sign me up and he just lines them up and is scanning them up and down

and ur like??? until he stops and says “mary’s dad has four children, three of them are named monday, tuesday, and wednesday; what’s the fourth child’s name?”

and now ur like ??????? wtf is he doing

until some girl on the opposite end of u yells all confidently with a really loud voice “thursday!!” and you just

you try to keep ur mouth shut and be nice but you just

“dumbass the fourth child is mary”

you realize that you swore and it was hella disrespectful so you open your mouth to apologize until

“find her a dress. i’m marrying that one.” youngmin points straight to you and says before walking out and you’re like wHAT

within a few days all your stuff is unpacked (into your own room bc youngmin wont let you near his) and you’ve had a wedding and get settled in as the new queen of brand new kingdom

all the while youngmin hasn’t said word to you? the only thing that you’ve heard leave his mouth since you were chosen was “i do” and das it

a few weeks pass and still, nothing from youngmin. the most he gives you is glares as you pass each other and requests for you to sign documents regarding the kingdom and stuff

but in the meantime you have gotten to know his mother who LOVES you and catches you up on the kingdom, how things work, what the people are like, and she even gave you a tour of the town once so you could meet everyone

you want to ask her some things about youngmin but figure it’s not your place.. so you go to the people instead LMAO

you visit a few families and shops and they all say the same thing: that youngmin is extremely sweet and warmhearted and that they’re all so blessed to have him as their king

you’re just like?? we’re talking abt the same youngmin right lol

one day you visit this little old lady’s florist shop in the corner of town and speak with her a little bit

she tells you that since spring season just started, you should prob look out a bit for youngmin bc his allergies start acting up then hands you a bouquet of periwinkle flowers and says

“these are his favorite and they don’t make him sick, can you give them to him for me and tell him to take care of himself? he must be awfully tired”

YOUR HEART IS CRYING OF COURSE YOU GOTTA GO GIVE HIM THE FLOWERS FOR THE CUTE ELDERLY LADY

that night you reluctantly go to youngmin’s office

you creek the door open just a bit to see him tugging at his hair as he looks over paperwork, obviously stressed over something

you clear your throat and knock on the door, causing youngmin to look up at you but he seems to just get more upset lol

“can i help you?” he has this really cold tone and ur like shit who put ur panties in a twist

“i visited mrs.kim this afternoon-”

“at the florist shop?”

“uh yeah, her, and she asked me to give these to you” you pull the flowers from behind the door and youngmin’s mood went 0 to 100 REAL QUICK

it’s like all the angry washed away from his face and his eyes just light up and he’s all smiley HE’S SO PRECIOUS

“periwinkles! those are my favorite- i can’t believe she remembered!” he happily stands and takes the flowers from you as you step into the middle of the room

“she asked me to tell you that you should take care of yourself” youre trying not to look him in the eye cause even tho he was being cute af you know he can be scary

youngmin’s smile starts to frown and now he’s pouting WHAT A CUTE BABY and he’s like “i haven’t visited her at all since i’ve become king. i haven’t visited ANY of my people”

he grabs one of the chairs closest to him and sits down, putting his head in his hands after setting the flowers on the table

youre kind of just standing there not knowing what to do until you hear sniffs and soft gasps and youre like omfg he’s crying

so you just awkwardly pat him on the back.. and say “do you.. wanna talk about it..”

turns out youngmin did wanna talk about it lmao he tells you how scared he is, says that he doesn’t want to fail his people and feels so stressed about everything

you tell him everything that he needed to hear: that all his people loved him and even if it meant that he couldn’t see them as often as he’d like he’s doing what’s best for everyone and according to the people you’ve talked to, he’s being a pretty amazing king

you end up being his listening ear after that-- he trusts in you more and talks to you when making decisions and at first you’re like? you really trust me with this

and he LAUGHS wow that was the first time you heard his laugh it was magical and he was like “i chose you because you weren’t stupid, remember?”

and you’re like OHHHH NOW IT MAKES SENSE

time passes and you and youngmin become closer.. it turns out that youngmin was being an asshole to you bc he truly believed that you should be in love before getting married, and felt that he was being cheated out of that bc of the whole situation

he was also kind of uncomfortable with u being apart of things because he didn’t know you that well so he didnt know if he trusted you BUT now you two are close and he needs you for every decision!!

one day after a long day of work and going over papers, you just so happen to fall asleep in youngmin’s office on the couch

and youngmin was trying to be considerate and everything right bc your bedroom was pretty far (it was really just a few halls down) but his was right there so why not

like

just take you to his room and cuddle you all night KJLFJKDFJKFD

needless to say you were surprised when you woke up in youngmin’s arms the next morning

happily surprised ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

after that you started “accidentally” falling asleep in his office more often

and youngmin would always “be considerate” and let you sleep in his bed

it came to a point where your maids got so sick of it that they packed up all ur shit for you and moved it into his room without you two knowing

at first yall were like “what?1!??1! no we totally aren’t living together!1!!1″

yall never tried to move your stuff out

it didn’t take long after that for youngmin to confess to you or for you to happily accept

sometime during your relationship you and youngmin get to spend a rare sunday afternoon in bed cuddling and just listening to each other’s heartbeats

until youngmin says “babe.. let’s get married”

and you snort and hold up your hand with your wedding ring

“youngmin, we ARE married”

your husband sits up and shakes his head, pulling you into his chest and leaning his head on yours

“i mean a real wedding where we can actually express how much we love each other without all the pressure and stuff for press. i just want to show everyone how much i truly love you”

GOODBYE I’M DYING HE’S THE CUTEST

before you know it there are wedding bells and you’re walking down the aisle wearing a dress you chose yourself this time and there’s your husband actually smiling at you with as much love as he can muster

the wedding goes amazing, your loved ones are all there to congratulate you two on being truly in love as well as the town to celebrate the greatest king and queen duo brand new kingdom has ever had

and there are lots, and lots, of periwinkles

[neonoires]

Game of Thrones 7x02: Stormborn

These are my thoughts. They’re not exactly refined or anything because I could honestly talk about this show for days but here we go. These are purely show based opinions. I’ve read the books so I’m trying to keep them out of this.

Daenerys: I’m worried about her. I’ve been hearing the rumors of her potentially being the final “villain” in Game of Thrones and this episode confirmed it for me. I’m not mad at this because I still think that the show whitewashed (mary-sued) her a bit. But that’s the thing. They literally made her damn near perfect so now that she’s apparently showing signs of potentially being a dark character, or at least grey, it comes off as uncharacteristic. The show should have done more to prepare viewers for that. I’m not saying there weren’t any signs because there were like: watching her brother get killed with no remorse, taking everything she has by conquest, and even threatening to burn cities to the ground in season 6 before Tyrion had to tell her to calm down lol. Even in this episode she said she wanted to invade Westeros because of her fire power and army and Tyrion said “you don’t want to be queen of ashes.” She even responded to that in a way where she had to remind herself not to do too much. Also, she literally threatened to burn Varys alive which sounded bad ass but her obsession with arson is getting out of hand. Especially since the “diplomatic” way to do a treason killing seems like a clean head chop. I’m glad she talked with Lady Olenna but I’m afraid she might take what she said literally.

Cersei: I love Cersei, she’s a great complex character but I feel like most Kings Landing scenes are kind of pointless in the grand scheme of things. I understand Cersei rallying allies but it just makes for boring tv. Maybe Randall Tarly and the rest of the lords of the Reach will doing something other than provide random screen time. The show is continuing to screw over Jaime’s development. The comment Jaime made about Lady Olenna aligning with savages didn’t sit well with me either because I thought it was stupid... Of course she doesn’t trust Cersei, she blew up her entire family and destroyed Olenna’s legacy which SHOULD piss Jaime off considering he killed the Mad King for threatening to use that exact same method. I cringed at the scene of Cersei with that creepy little man in the dungeon with that weapon for dragons. I really don’t want to see a dragon go down like that...

Jon: I understand that Jon and Daenerys have to meet but I agree with Sansa and the rest of the Northerners. Even as I type this I find it interesting because all of the Northern lords and ladies were against Jon going south. I know I’m being extra but it reminded me of what Petyr Baelish said last season about why Jon shouldn’t be considered King in the North because he was born in the south. It also showed that the North is truly it’s own wild kingdom since they didn’t even want to align with Daenerys against the Long Night and Cersei. I think Jon made a wise decision to give the North over to Sansa but I got the feeling that will be the last time he’s in that position. I think Sansa is pretty much the QITN until the show is finished. Also, why TF hasn’t anyone from the Wall sent a letter to Jon about Bran, his crippled brother who they all presumed dead being so close to home. Anyway, next week Jon meets Daenerys and I can’t wait to see how that turns out because I think they’re both really comfortable in their positions of power.

Arya: It was truly great seeing Hot Pie as well as her running into Nymeria’s pack. Maisie Williams did a great job in these scenes because it showed that Arya is still in there and she’s not just a killing machine. I also came across some confusion on twitter about Arya saying “that’s not you.” But then I remembered an earlier scene with Arya and Ned and she was saying that the life of being a lady who marries someone and rules over a piece of land “isn’t her.” Arya asking Nymeria to come with her back to Winterfell and leaving her pack isn’t Nymeria anymore. Then if you look it’s almost as if Arya is proud of Nymeria instead of sad. It’s like Hot Pie said, “I’m like you, I’m a survivor.” Nymeria survived after all this time as well as Hot Pie. I just love Arya and Maisie so much! 

The Missandei and Grey Worm scene gave me life. I wish we got more throughout the series. Also.... WTF AT THE BATTLE OF CASTERLY ROCK HAPPENING? JFC. I can’t wait to see Casterly Rock though so...

Theon: The show is trying really hard to make this version of Euron a thing and I’m just not seeing it for him. I felt like Euron overtaking them so easily was kind of lame actually. I’m also wondering if there’s someone spying on Daenerys because how TF did Euron know where to find them? I can’t believe this has to be said but people should give Theon a break. He’s a torture survivor and say Euron’s men chopping off bits and pieces of people. He has PTSD and doesn’t want to be captured by anyone ever again. I think that abandoning ship is smart for him because he’s still not as weak as Euron thinks he is. I anticipate Theon getting some help for Yara or even their cause but we’ll have to see. I hear he’s due to meet Jon Snow again. PS. RIP to the Sand Snakes?

Next week’s description: “The Queen’s Promise” Daenerys holds court; Cersei returns a gift; Jaime learns from his mistakes.... whatever this means.

[missandrogyny]

hola! so both @karamelised and @cherrystreet tagged me in the thing where i have to post my five favorite fics that i’ve written. so im just gonna go ahead and do that.

1. you drive me wild (you know you do) is the only fic i can honestly say i wrote for myself and for my own personal entertainment. at the time, i had only been lurking--i didnt even have this tumblr yet, and i hadnt written anything for this fandom and i hadnt written fanfiction in...7 months. i had already thought i was completely done with fic writing, when i saw the prompt on alice intenselouis’ blog and it truly like...haunted me. i spent the rest of the day resisting, then half the next day writing like a woman possessed (i still remember thinking “i have no idea what to do with this fic but it’s okay i’m not gonna finish it i have commitment issues and i’m not gonna post it anyway” haha lol i was very funny.) it was all my first time to write smut and when i actually did finish the fic i was like. wtf am i gonna do w this shit. so i posted it. went to sleep, and woke up to it blowing up. that was so fun.

2. let me make a thing of cream and stars was another fun one. it started off with the planking scene--i loved the idea of famous harry and radio dj louis--and after that i just kind of let myself run wild with it. i had literally no plan for it, no outline, nothing. i was just like “oh is this what we’re doing now? cool” the entire time.

3. the ugly ass yellow shirt (no i promise i’m not just reciting my fics in chronological order) was crazy fun. i was lamenting about that yellow shirt harry wore in otra mnl 1 (i don’t like it, if you must know--i think it’s an eyesore. i don’t like the color yellow haha) then somehow the conversation turned to princess going “omg imagine louis wearing the yellow shirt and riding harry with it” and it was just. it was born, in all its glory. i’m particularly proud of the crayola website jokes, i still laugh when i reread it. good job past me for making present me laugh.

4. somethin’ bout you was what i wrote for the hl spring exchange 2016, and something i’m incredibly proud of. first of all, it’s over 50k--never did i think i would be able to write so much, but i did. second of all, it has actual plot. wow. plot, truly a rare thing in my fics. third of all, the idea of a reverse stockholm syndrome was something ive always wanted to explore and i think i did a pretty okay job doing so! and fourth of all, i wrote that in the span of 2 months and kept the outline in my head. like, i never wrote/typed down the outline. it was just there in my brain. and i remembered. i’m proud of myself for remembering.

5. blind from this sweet, sweet craving was something i wrote in 6 days. i was jet-lagged from being in canada for 3 weeks and i was up odd hours because the timezone was completely opposite and i decided the best thing to do to cure jet-lag was to write a fake relationship drabble, which turned into a fake relationship au. i dont know how it worked but it worked and i came out of it with a back-to-normal body clock and a 30k fake relationship au. [shrugs] could’ve been worse, i guess. also 6 days. how tf did i do that.

i’m not sure to tag, i’m pretty late to the party. @afirethatcannotdie @alivingfire @turtlekz maybe? (if you’ve done this, i’m sorry and just ignore my dumb ass)

[ellipsesarefun]

you pour it out for everyone to see

(Sorry if it’s late :(( )

Otayuri Week 2017 Day 2: Social Media/Celebrations (FaceTime, Skype, Youtube, Instagram)

A/N: Sequel to “now i gotta wash my mouth out with soap”~! Also featuring an Original Female Character.

His mind is a cosmic chaos of emotions. Not even skating himself to the death is helping him.

As the past six months ran by, his communication with his labeled “bestie” remained ambiguously normal. They talk on Skype as they usually do, always ranging from their skating routines to their daily nonsense (cats, weather, etc.). And it was perfectly normal. They barely engaged a conversation on love, Mila, or… the Accident (because it totally was; come on, he wasn’t thinking straight.) and that is totally normal in their imaginary rule book. Even before said fiasco, they never really took the time to indulge on that topic, merely in passing (“who was your first kiss”, “who was the worst partner”, “the most embarrassing moment when you dated”). So yea. Totally mundane and ordinary. 

Except it wasn’t okay. It took all his strength not to broach on any topic. It would be weird and awkward. Awkweird. It was not the line friends cross and while he did cross the line by an inch, he was just pushed back to his side of the line where he initially belonged. Beka, being casual and everything, did not initiate nor push him about it. He merely kept his usual composure, just how the way things were.

And it only fueled his turmoil. It doesn’t help that his relationship with Mila grew fragile. A few days after he left, she had this.. look. There was no smile this time but there was something on her expression that she knew something.. that somehow it was his fault that he fucked up their relationship.

Through this chaos, anger at himself became his drive in training. But it wasn’t only anger, there was a whole icing of anguish spread on top. He stretched his limits, to the brink of his own sanity, almost tearing his body from limb to limb. To those who noticed said nothing, merely watching from afar and only intervening when he came close to passing out.

And said intervention came to the rescue. She was a friend of his from overseas who lived with katsudon and old man. Her parents and Katstudon’s parents go way back and decided to ship her here in Russia for a mini vacation.

***

Tine [20:30] Yo asshole!

[20:45] tf do u want bitch? why are you still up? katsudon would’ve put you to bed by now..

Tine [20:47] Ahem. I’m a fucking 20-year-old adult. I make the rules.

[20:48] 20-year-old adult in a fifteen-year-old body :p

Tine [20:49] HEY! Watch it, kid, regardless of our two-year gap, I’m still older than you.

[20:50] yea. but i LOOK older than you :p even old man thinks ur my little sis

Tine [20:59] ...point taken.

Tine [21:00] Anyways. How’s it going?

[21:01] cut the crap

Tine [21:03] YOU cut the crap, Mr. “I’m angry with the world and everything that’s teen angst”

[21:06] ur lame af

Tine [21:04] And you’re stalling... haven’t heard from you much.. what’s really up..? how’s he doing?

[21:06] same old same old.. the usual.. nothing changed really..

Tine [21:07] ....After all that?

Tine [21:08] That fucking sucks.

[21:13] tell me about it

[21:15] what makes it worse is mila hasn’t really talked to me..

[21:17] and i’m too distracted in coming up with any ideas for my theme and song music..

[21:18] and beka’s.. Beka’s okay. We’re cool. We talk the usual shit.

Tine [21:19] but you’re not okay.

[21:20] ...is that all you got? putting out the obv?

Tine [21:21] Hm.

[21:22] spill it woman, i don’t have all night for this

Tine [21:23] What say you and I do a little music jam? Make a Youtube account?

[21:24] whut

Tine [21:25] For a stress reliever, dumbass. You can sing. I can sing. We both can play the guitar and we can put it up on Youtube.. Plus we can search for some music you might like that’s beyond classical. It’s a win-win for everyone.

[21:28] what do u get out of this?

Tine [21:30] To do something for shits and giggles. Something nice for my spare time.

Tine [21:31] What say you?

[21:34] sure i guess

Tine [21:25] Such enthusiasm.

[21:26] hey ur asking a lot from me here.

***

True to heart, they went music scavenging as planned on the days he finished his training. That meant his time with his friend from overseas overlapped with his Skyping time with Otabek. He introduced the two one evening and it went slightly awkward, seeing as they barely have anything in common except for maybe some literature, but that was only in passing. She and Yuri decided to keep the music project a secret, with the viable excuse of her being there was to be watched over (”Hey, I’m older than you, you know” “You don’t act like it”). Otabek didn’t mind of course. They still kept their conversations as mundane as they make it while Tine sat beside him mostly in silence, sometimes listening, sometimes reading some shit (”Seriously, just pretend I don’t exist; i don’t usually wanna talk” she laughed). It was an upgraded routine for all of them and no one seemed to mind one bit.

He wasn’t exactly sure how she managed to rope him into this. While yes they both have the skills to do so, he was hesitant in trying her songs. Most of them were dark, creepy and downright strange. She also had a wide variety of options. There was an equal proportion of hip hop, grunge, metal, acoustic, with a few jazz and blues combined. Beka helped as well, seeing he is a DJ and has encountered most of the music she presented. However, he never truly found out what Yuri needed for, only for some new music to skate for. 

(Sometimes, he can feel his best friend has an inkling of what they were up to, but that’s just paranoia).

Fortunately, it only took two weeks for them to find a song they both liked.

***

yuri-plisetsky

Soap Cover - Melanie Martinez

[one minute sneak peak video]

“I feel it coming out my throat Guess I better wash my mouth out with soap God, I wish I never spoke Now I gotta wash my mouth out with soap”

[link to Youtube]

#melaniemartinez #cover #soap

Tagged: @chriscapss 

6,321 views

View all 763 comments

BestYuriAngels OMFG HE CAN ACTUALLY SING!!!

christophe-gc Such accent!!! <3 Love his voice

Yurisonlylover Who’s she? His surrogate sister or something?

BestYuriAngels @Yurisonlylover I think so.. I saw a picture of them once. [link]

phichit+chu Damn that voice~

v-nikiforov Wow! Amazing, Yurio! @yuri-plisetsky @chriscapss  

chriscapps Damn.. so many views per day.. You’re good for this music business @yuri-plisetsky.

***

They only posted one video yet they were already famous. His phone exploded with notifications filled with likes, dislikes and comments. Yakov didn’t seem care, as long as he kept on practicing his usual routines. Mila started talking to him again, with the help of Tin. He introduced them three days after he uploaded their video. One look from Mila and she was already adored by the older skater (”YURI SHE’S SO ADORABLE!!!”). They now go out for coffee breaks. 

And Otabek.. Beka was impressed. Still is. After he found out the video, they finally found another topic that piqued their interest: music. 

***

Beka [17:00] Hey. Nice cover. When did you learn how to sing like that?

[17:02] a couple of years back, tine’s first visit in russia. We had a couple of gigs together, but this is the first time we ever posted a song that we actually like.

Beka [17:03] You had a lot of disagreements before?

[17:04] pfft, more like full-blown arguments. her song choices can be a little creepy

Beka [17:05] I noticed...

***

Since then, there conversations prolonged and gradually, contentment filled his emotions more than his own anguish over unrequited affections. This upgraded their routine and level of closeness further and while it was not what his other part of himself had hoped, it was enough for him to have that familiar comfort of talking to him again. 

This music project isn’t so bad after all.

***

yuri-plisetsky

Carousel Cover - Melanie Martinez

[one minute sneak peak]

“And it's all fun and games, 'Til somebody falls in love, But you've already bought a ticket, And there's no turning back now”

[link to Youtube]

#melaniemartinez #cover #thissongrocks

Tagged: @chriscapss 

8,453 views

View all 532 comments

YuriPisMyJam God, that voice.. I live for that voice

Plisexyness Another Melanie?? Is he a CryBaby fan?

chriscapss @Plisexyness I am the huge fan. He just happened to like some of her songs. 

Y-Angels56 @chriscapss OMFG, can you do a cover on Cry Baby? Training Wheels? Are you guys gonna cover the whole album.

chriscapss @Y-Angels56 Nah haha. Maybe?

yuri-plisetsy @chriscapss no.. 

***

Tine [19:00] Any ideas for your music theme?

[20:15] none yet..

Tine [20:25] You doin’ ayt?

[20:30] more or less.. fucking tired though. almost collapsed when i couldn’t nail that jump right...

Tine [20:31] Ah

[20:33] beka and i are doing okay if that’s what you’re asking... am weirded out by mila though.

Tine [20:36] Why?

[20:40] she seems to be talking to me now.. beka hasn’t mentioned about her at all. not like we talk about dating so seriously..

Tine [20:41] Seems okay.. What’s the problem though..

[20:43] nothing i guess..

Tine [20:45] Hm..

[20:47] wanna jam something tom? i think.. i may have a few ideas for my program..

Tine [20:48] Same artist?

[20:49] omfg ur killing me u know...

Tine [20:50] So you do like all of her songs now?

[20:51] not all, okay.. a couple... but she grew on me.. i’ll admit that..

Tine [20:55] YAY! So what say we pick another poison from her album?

***

yuri-plisetsky

Cake Cover - Melanie Martinez

[one minute preview video]

“I feel like I'm just missing Something whenever you leave We've got all the ingredients Except you needing me”

[link to Youtube]

#melaniemartinez #thisonetookthecake #freakinggenius

Tagged: @chriscapss 

7,345 views

View all 4556 comments

YuriPisMyJam Okay, third time’s the charm. wtf is going on here?

BestYuriAngels This is just their third song, but they’re all the same artists..

Y-Angels56 That’s just the third video.. nothing much to discern over anything yet..

YuriPisMyJam @Y-Angels yea but.. come on, the chosen lyrics? the chosen songs? there’s something going on...

leodglesia woah @yuri-plisetsky never knew you were a fan.. we should put up some gigs sometime.

***

The internet is now speculating on said posts. It had only been three covers of the same artist and people are already assuming that therein lies a deeper intentions that the said skater was hiding. Even the people around him were starting to wonder, with the stupid pig and stupid old man barraging him with hugs, questioning his mental well-being or if he was moping for someone. Mila even singled him out once or twice over the week, not-so-subtley prying for answer. Otabek was speculative (his best friend is too smart for his own good) but only mentioned in passing. Yuri could only keep up with the excuse to their covers as Tine being an avid fan.

And that was true.

Only, this was an outlet; a healthy outlet to convey his raging emotions. Little did he care that Otabek was oblivious to their purpose now. In a way, it’s pouring his intentions in guise of a singer’s spontaneity (because of this, he was glad that he had Tine singing with him; she’s a really good use for an excuse).

He admittedly grew an appreciation for the artist, how much skill and talent was shown through the way she writes them, and the way she sang each of her songs. 

To that extent, it was already giving him ideas for his music and theme for the upcoming competition. 

God, he is such a sap.

***

Tine [21:00] Ready for tom?

[21:34] yep.

***

yuri-plisetsky

Training Wheels Cover - Melanie Martinez

[one minute preview video]

“You've been riding two-wheelers all your life It's not like I'm asking to be your wife I wanna make you mine, but that's hard to say Is this coming off in a cheesy way?”

[link to Youtube]

#melaniemartinez #awesomesong

Tagged: @chriscapss 

9,234 views

View all 5,656 comments

YuriPisMyJam omfg something else is going on... I just know it..

Y-Angels So maybe there is...

leodglesia Awesome cover, guys!!!  Sick guitar plucking @chriscapss 

saymyname what is with the Crybaby themes??? Could it be..?

Y-Angels Pining? Unrequited love??? they’re quite apparent...

saymyname maybe it’s just a coincidence.. who knows..

****

Beka [23:30] Hey. Great cover today *thumbs up emoji*

[00:01] thnx..

A/N: Credits to Melanie Martinez and her awesome album track!!

[emthinks]

Empire of Storms by Sarah J. Maas

You know, I think I’ve gotten too used to SJM being nice to us and not giving us cliffhangers. And then this came along. So. My feelings are a mess, my heart is shattered (as per usual) and I am most likely not coherent enough so this might take a while to edit down.

Edit: This took a lot longer to edit down than I thought. So. Many. Feels.

Rating: 9.5/10

(Also, I’d like to make a disclaimer about my rating: I’d like to give it a higher number. I really would. But the main issue I had with this book was that, while the actual super-intense battle scenes were beautiful and just as wonderfully written as I’d expect from a Sarah J. Maas, the other bits just dragged on. All the trudging in the swamps and on the ships were just blergh. Granted, this is the second to last book, so there has to be a lot of setup, I suppose. Still, 9.5 is pretty high on the scale, all things concerned.)

An Overview (of my thoughts, the plot, whatever comes to mind, really):

So some of my notes is coherent, some of this, not so much. Especially the end. So let’s get on with it, shall we?

So early on in the book, we’ve got Aelin and Lysandra and Rowan and Aedion traveling up to Terrasen, all chill and ready to reestablish the court, right? No. Oh, no. We get the meeting with Darrow and it is shit. Darrow, who’s more concerned with the “rightful ruler” of Terrasen than all the evil lurking down below, like a gods damned Valg king, refused to acknowledge Aelin as Queen of Terrasen. And I was so pissed. Like, when Aelin sliced her hand and made that promise to Darrow about raising an army, I didn’t pay that much heed. But gods, am I regretting that now. Because she did. She really, truly did. She raised an army of thieves and assassins and exiles and commoners to aid Terrasen.

But like even during that shitty meeting, we get a new message: the Ironteeth are flying for Rifthold. To sack it. Like, fuck. No. Dorian. What. Please. So we send Rowan off and agree to meet at Skull’s Bay.

Meanwhile, Dorian is trying to fight off the witches that have suddenly come to Rifthold and he’s getting better. He’s got his raw magic and he control it better. But it’s not enough. Too many witches and just one of him. And Rifthold is a fucking mess right now. And Dorian is cornered. And then – wait for it – Manon comes! Manon saves the day! Manon actually kills the Yellowlegs and is thus labeled a Witch Killer, even though she herself is a witch.

Which, yay for Dorian because Rowan then comes and they’re all set and leave. Manon, on the other hand, is fucking screwed. Because Manon goes back to the Ironteeth and her fucking grandma sentences Asterin to death. Like, no. And then Manon invokes her right to execution. And I’m on the edge of my seat and screaming and flailing and and and. And then she turns on her grandma. Manon finally turns on her bitchass grandma and tears into her to buy her Thirteen time to run. And it is glorious. We knew this was a long time coming and it was just as wonderful as I had imagined it to be. Finally, Manon rebels completely. (In the process, we find out she’d just killed her half-sister because apparently she’s the last Crochan Queen and was a child of peace born in the hopes to unite their two witch kingdoms.)

I really loved it when Rowan and Dorian go in to meet with Rolfe and they flip on the lights only to find it’s Celaena there. Celaena, not Aelin. Celaena, who’s such a bamf and just so chill. I loved how she was flipping the emeralds and Rolfe was like “put them back. All of them. Even the one up your sleeve…Even the one you shoved in your mouth” and Dorian is like “how tf did she do that?” This scene also gave birth to two of my favorite quotes:

“You will find, Rolfe, that one does not deal with Celaena Sardothien. One survives her.” – Dorian Havilliard

“Rowan’s always looking for an excuse to show off. Dramatic rescues give him purpose and fulfillment in his dull, immortal life.” – Aelin Ashryver Galathynius

With Lorcan and Elide, I didn’t know how to feel about them. I was like “yes, Elide, go find Aelin” and “bad, Lorcan, stop being a bastard” and that was basically it. Like, they were kind of like the Manon chapters of HoF for a while, a bit of a snoozefest. But the – but then. Something changed. Maybe it was when Elide showed her teeth, showed that maybe even if she wasn’t a fierce warrior like fucking everyone else, she had her mind and she was cunning and brave all the same and she was still a badass. And she has Lorcan on a leash, man. Like, Lorcan is so gone for her, it’s not even funny. Loved how Lorcan was wondering why the fuck he kept on staring at Elide at the carnival. Like, it’s hilarious because I don’t think Elide even knows the power she wields over him. I am Elorcan trash now.

So we spend a shit ton of time on Skull’s Bay talking with Rolfe. Apparently Rolfe is the last of the Mycenians? Wow, that’s convenient. Yet again. And we manage to semi-convince Rolfe to join us. Mostly because Aelin again risked everything and willingly called the Valg to attack. The resulting battle was very Pirates of the Caribbean-esque. And I have some bones to pick with it. Like, Aelin manages to dig so deep into her well of power fucking goddess Deanna shows up? Her like great-grandmother reincarnated into the goddess of the hunt? She’s such a bitch. And then we almost kill Lysandra, who I love, because she kills the first three sea-wyverns, but just barely, only to find out they were the babies sent as bait so the mommas will have more fuel for their anger and I’m just screaming for Lysandra alongside everyone else and and and – thank God Aedion and Dorian were up at the towers, lbr. I was so fucking worried.

Afterwards, there’s the Rowaelin sex scene(s). Which. I can just picture there being like scorch marks of Aelin’s naked ass and it being roped off hundreds of years later and used as a tourist site.

Also during this battle (where Lysandra doesn’t die thank God), we hear again that Aelin needs to seek out the Lock to bind the Wyrdkeys. Whatever the heck that is. Like, there was Brannon at the Mycenian’s temple (where they also met Celaena’s Endovier overseer taken over by Erawan, joy among joys) who also told them that so they’re like “okay, whatever” and of course Rolfe has some sort of hint, right? The Swamp Marshes or something. Whatever. So along they go.

And Manon lands on their boat.

Good job Abraxos. Abraxos is the best. I’m not going to dig deep into what Manon gets onto on the boat, because the Danon shit will be discussed later.

Meanwhile, Lorcan learns that Elide is carrying another Wyrdkey to Aelin and – finally – that the one he carries is a fake. So they turn tails and book it down south too.

And Lorcan manages to warn them about the incoming Ilithia or whatever the fuck those shit are. There was like five hundred or something. And so Aelin makes a stand. And this is when you really see her fiery power on display. And it is scary and awesome and terrifying and everything you could possibly wish it to be. Lorcan barely manages to shield himself and Elide from it.

So eventually, the gang is now basically all in one place. And they find out this Lock is…a mirror. Wtf? Okay, we’ll figure that out later, because Aelin has called in some debts.

It’s Ansel of Briarcliff, the human queen of the Wastelands. I think. There’s a lot of characters and I can’t remember all their titles. But she seems decent enough. Whatever.

But it’s not the end of the book yet. The finale has yet to come. Because just about then, we learn that Lorcan, upon seeing Ansel’s ships on the horizon and not knowing they were friend or foe, had called for Maeve to protect – wait for it – Elide. So Maeve is attacking them now.

This isn’t going to go down well.

But then, to make it worse, Dorian just grabs Manon and grabs Aelin and is like “you’re iron, you’re fire” and they look at each other and are like “wtf, what’s the worst thing that could happen? We’re all fucked anyways” and they just jump into the mirror without consulting anyone else. On the eve of a super deadly battle. And when everyone else finds out, they’re like – reasonably – what the actual fuck. Like, seriously?

Thank the fuck we have Rowan though. Rowan. Rowan seemed so meh before, but Rowan. Oh Rowan. We are outgunned, outmanned, outnumbered, outplanned but at least we have Rowan. Rowan, who spent the eve before the battle flying from ship to ship of his cousin’s, begging them to listen, to help, to convict treason, to turn them on Maeve. And then when all of the Whitethorn families turned on Maeve’s own armada. Like, that was great. And Aedion is all “well, it’s a good thing most of the magic users Maeve brought are from Rowan’s fam.” Like, lol, Maeve brings her enemy’s mate’s fam to fight them. Not the smartest move, Maeve.

But even then, it’s not enough. They’re still so screwed. But then – but then! The Thirteen come back, led by Abraxos. Abraxos, the most wonderful puppy-dragon who is so loyal to Manon it’s ridiculous and they just rain complete and utter destruction.

Pirates of Carribeans: Take 2.

Meanwhile, we learn Aelin has basically been raised as a pig for slaughter. So. I’m not going to discuss that. I don’t have enough feels to discuss that. “Nameless is my price.”

And when Manon and Aelin are done with Elaina (which, fuck her), they’re thrown onto the island. With Maeve. Where Elide is captured. Fml. And shit goes down there. Like every page turn was so hard for me because it didn’t get better.

When I realized that my predictions were so fucking off and Aelin wasn’t actually invincible (though I had desperately hoped she would be) and Manon was waiting for a signal that was never going to come because Aelin had nothing left in her, not even an ember, and she was actually going to submit fully to Maeve and she wasn't going to be able to fight herself out of this one. That. That tore me the fuck apart. Like, we always think of Aelin as strong and able to endure everything, that’s how she became Celaena in the first place, so to see her suffer through the whipping was hell. Absolute hell. And best (and worst) thing was that she refused to count. Even after all that time, she refused to count.

It kind of killed me, though, when all her allies finally arrive…like five seconds late. Like, where were you two minutes ago? One minute and maybe you could’ve stopped Maeve. What the fuck?

Okay, now that I’ve gotten it out of my system the whole Aelin sacrificing herself (again “for the greater good”), let’s talk about what it revealed: I find it ridiculous and mindblowing the reveal of Aelin’s whole masterplan. How she literally got a whole fucking army and more from Galan and the Ilias and Ansel and everyone. How she raised an army to counter Morath and save the world. How she planned everything out, knowing her demise was looming. How she married Rowan, so Terrasen would have a legal ruler. How she discussed with Lysandra how Lysandra would wear her skin and marry Aedion so their kids would have Ashryver eyes. Like, Aelin. Jfc. That’s not planning anymore, that’s called fucking seeing the future.

“A court that wouldn’t just change the world. It would start the world over.”

The Characters:

Now Aelin. Aelin, Aelin, Aelin. I can't decide if I hate or love her in this book. I just felt so disconnected to her, especially as this book progressed. I just couldn’t get behind what she was doing because she was literally doing like a million things all at once and I, like most of her companions, didn’t understand why she was doing all of that and not allowing herself to talk to anyone about anything unless it was absolutely necessary (like with Lysandra and the whole “wear my skin for the rest of your life when I die”). Like, no. Like, she planned so fucking far ahead it's not even planning its seeing the gods damned future, especially with Galan and the coordinates. But she didn't plan to save herself. Because she knew she couldn't. Knew that someday, sometime, she'd have to give up herself, that she was, very aptly put, living on borrowed time anyways. And she still didn't reveal anything – none of her schemes until it all fanned out beautifully. Now, I still have loads of respect for her and how powerful she is and how badass, but just. There was just something off about Aelin for me in this book that just made me feel meh about her the whole time. Like Aelin as Celaena, I was 120% behind, but Aelin as herself just has so many burdens sometimes, it’s just really dark and difficult to understand her and where she’s coming from and what she’s been through and is going through. Until the end. The end portion is a whole different ballgame.

Remember when we hated Manon? We first met her in HoF and her chapters were so boring. We wanted to go back to Dorian and Chaol and Aelin and Rowan. We didn’t care about this new character. Why was she here? What is her role in this? Who knows, who cares, etc. In QoS, we get to know Manon a little bit more and she seems okay now. Likes Elide and all. But still. No context to the rest of our core group. And then. And then this book happened. And really, the evolution of Manon’s character is seriously impressive. So honestly, Manon might be my favorite character in EoS. Honestly, the shit she went through and the shit she did was just so badass and up my alley I can’t.

Also remember when we first met Lorcan? We hated him, too. We hated him. He taunted them with the ring of Athril. He nearly ruined Aelin’s plan to take down the clock tower and almost killed Rowan and Aedion. And then he met Elide. And Elide did to Lorcan what she did to Manon.

Elide, in my humble opinion, is a fucking miracle worker. With all types of people, human and not so much. I love watching her talk her way out of shit. She will be such a great asset for Aelin’s court. Like, Varys the Spider or something.

Abraxos is officially the best puppy dragon ever. That’s all I’m saying. Also, is it just me or does he remind you of Toothless (from How to Train Your Dragon)?

Okay was it just me or did Dorian feel like a side character in this? I swear to God he did. He was like, kinda there, kinda not, and didn’t have much input besides the end where he sent Manon and Aelin into the mirror. I mean, he helped with the battles and shit, but he was just another one of the many members of Aelin’s growing group. Like, by the end, we were traveling with so many people, it was kind of ridiculous. So Dorian was just hovering in the periphery. Although, I was super happy to hear about him and how he was mastering his magic. That was nice. I liked how much better and more powerful and just sheer awesome he got. Because Dorian has raw magic that can basically be shaped into anything. Like, he can do anything if he just trains it, and that’s just sheer badassery right there.  

Lysandra was fucking amazing. Like, especially when she had to fight off those wyverns as a sea dragon and she was so tired but she did it only to turn around to see three fully grown wyverns headed straight for her and it was so fucking intense and I was so worried but she did it and she was just stunning.

I don’t have much to say about Aedion besides the fact that he basically tore his father apart when he first encountered him. Like, he cornered him in the bar and surprised him and just. Wow. That was a lot harsher than I thought he would be.

I feel like I should feel bad for Gavriel. I mean, he's trying his hardest, all for Aedion, but Aedion totally dismisses him from Day One where he absolutely breaks him but Gavriel still tries and I should feel worse but I'm very meh about him. It was kind of hilarious to read about the random subplot where Gavriel is literally a fucking dog that perks up whenever Aedion is within range. That was adorable and funny. He’s an immortal Fae warrior who just wants to please his son. What a relatable guy. Not to me, but hey, everyone else seems chill with him. Like, sure, he's helpful and shit, but he didn't do anything super important and then he got fucked over by Maeve like everyone else did at the end.

I guess the same can be said for Fenrys, but I think with him, even though he was a complete bastard at first, much worse than Gavriel and totally tore into Rowan, I felt more for him. I especially enjoyed/hated that background we got of how they were all coerced into the blood oaths. Fenrys because of his poor twin (Connall, is it?) and how he's been fighting the oath since Day one. I really hope Fenrys joins Aelin as well. Him and his twin, ofc. You can never separate twins. That’s like a cardinal rule or something.

Funny thing is, even though Erawan is supposed to be our Ultimate Villain, we barely see him. Yes, we encounter his ilken and Valg, but meh. We are always encountering the ilken and valg. They’re not exciting anymore. All they do is increase in numbers. We’ve got Erawan in the Endovier overseer’s body, but even that was just to more mentally torture Aelin than anything.

The actual villain of this book we don’t realize until much later on: Maeve. Jfc. Where do I even begin with her? Okay, we knew Erawan and the Valg were shit from Day One. Maeve though, Maeve we were on the fence about, when we first heard about her (in CoM maybe? At the end?) And then we met her. She is a gods damned spawn of Satan himself jfc I can't deal with her and I just wish we could leave her in a burning, rotting pit for all of eternity but apparently that's not a thing and now I just. Can't. I can't talk about her. I will literally murder someone right now I'm not ok. I can't do this.

Lol also: Chaol wasn’t even in this book. Haha. Dorian got bumped to side character, while Chaol got demoted to like three mentions.

“Let them come. Let them get close enough for his magic. He might not have Aelin’s long range, might not be able to encircle the city with his power, but if they got close enough…He would not be weak or cowering again.”

The Ships:

Rowaelin (Rowan/Aelin): Okay, now don’t get me wrong: I don’t have anything against Rowan and I think Rowan and Aelin are perfectly fine. My problem is the fact that Rowan popped out of freaking nowhere. Like, we had two books where he didn’t exist. Two freaking books where we had two perfectly fine men and we picked one and got behind them and then suddenly, this third dude just appears and claims everything. Like, bruh. Besides that though, congrats on being mates. Idiot for Aelin not telling Rowan that, and for Rowan to fucking ignore that just because he wants to pine over Lyria. (And Maeve for being the bitch she is for forcing Rowan to undergo that.)

Danon (Dorian/Manon): This ship is canon now. This ship is so canon, it’s not even funny. Like, that scene where Dorian walks in and starts untying Manon’s shirt with phantom hands was just – jfc. This is not PG-13 anymore. We are not in Kansas anymore.

Aedion/Lysandra: damn I was so behind this ship it's not even funny. Like Aedion was so onboard and him promising Lysandra marriage that day on the beach after that fight with the Valg ships was so beautiful and then. And then. Well. Then my heart broke, is what happened, because we find Lysandra was only onboard after she and Aelin concocted this ridiculous ass scheme where she will pretend to be Aelin forever and she will marry Aedion so they can give birth to Aelin’s line. Like, no. No. what about love, Lysandra? Do you not love Aedion? Did you ever love him? Wtf is this shit

Elorcan (Lorcan/Elide): Jfc ok I find Lorcan a complete bitch too because he sent out that signal to Maeve, but damn have I found a new otp. I'm so behind this ship. I think this is the ship I am now most behind, now that my original two Celaena ships have crashed and burned and I'm not a huge fan of any of the new ones and even Aedion is so screwed right now. But seriously. Props to Elide for getting Lorcan to break everything he's known and loved, willing to sacrifice himself for this girl with a limp. Seriously. I'm thoroughly impressed. I love everything about this ship. I love how their relationship progressed and you could trace all the little changes and how you can just watch Lorcan slowly but surely sinking into Elide’s grasp and it’s great. It really is.

“Even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will love you.” – Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius

My Questions

Why was both Manon and Aelin needed to go through that mirror thing to see the past?

Because honestly, what is Manon’s role? Yes, she’s the last Crochan Queen and she is of Ironteeth and she’s going to unite all the witches, etc. but what is her role here? With Aelin? Like, her ancestor made the mirror, cool, but what else?

Oh oh oh! I know! Maybe the whole thing was planned. Because I questioned why the gods dropped Aelin and Manon on that beach right in front of Maeve, but maybe beause they knew. Maybe they needed Aelin to undergo some shit and Manon had to be the messenger. Manon had something else she needs to do in order to save everyone and it’s all part of a greater plan. At least, that’s what I hope it is.

And the real head scratcher: How do we save the world without killing our favorite characters?

Because I don’t know about you, but I don’t want anyone to die. Not Dorian, not Aelin. Maybe Aelin only needs to give up her magic? Or maybe just her immortality? Like, Aelin accepted this ages ago – all this shit she planned for everyone else to survive in her absence waiting for just this day – and Dorian seems okay with accepting it but no. I refuse. We need a loophole. We will find a gods damned loophole if it kills me.

“I’d walk into the burning heart of hell itself to find you.” – Rowan Whitethorn

Predictions/hopes for the future:

Um…Aelin being saved by Rowan & co. would be a nice start. Preferably early on in the book

Also along the same line of thought: Aelin not having to actually die to seal the Lock would also be nice. You know, good bonus

Also, what if Fenrys is the one who helps Aelin? Keep her sane. Leaving clues for Rowan & co. to follow and trying to find loopholes. Because he knows Rowan is coming. And I do feel for Fenrys. He didn’t even want to be tied to Maeve in the first place, and his poor twin.

I really hope Fenrys ends up joining Aelin’s court. Him and Connall. All the cadre. Leave Maeve with nothing, the bitch

Rematch between Manon and her grandma. That shit needs to go down

Darrow eating his words. Apologizing to Aelin on his knees and begging, the whole nine yards. This needs to happen. Please. Fucking asshole.

Dorian becoming a really strong + fair king

Talking to mom + brother and maybe (hopefully) changing Jeoffrey Hollin for the better

Ooh, I know: a happy ending! We’ve never read a Sarah finale/conclusion so I’m so worried.

“The world will be saved and remade by the dreamers” – Aelin Ashryver Galathynius

[brothalynchhung]

2017 overview

FOR FUCKS SAKEEE IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 5 YEARS LMFAOOOO anyways lets goo... this gone be a lot i learned a lot this year

the year started out...

kinda weird tbh like i was in a weird state

i was back to being obsessed following jk/gl lool

it was nice but i got to hopelessly obsessed

but they came back and it really motivated me it made me happy

hes so comforting until this day

he earned so much!! achieved so much! I'm so happy for him

i gained a lot this year too .. in a way

yeah 2017 was weird introspectively...

lot of internal rebuilding...

i did video 1 which was fun i got to make some cool shit and work hard on projects

i met my girl xy lol her talented ass

ate out a lot tbh i was a fatass beginning of 2017 wtf

still am tho wtf who am i kidding 🙄🙄🙄

jus classes with z as usual but winter 2017 was so weird cuz like.. i barely went to any of those classes LOL

video 1 was fun

adv com theories was ass idk how i got a B+ in that class i failed everything LMFAOO

phi was whatever

women and media was weird cuz of that weird girl but we got a good mark so whatever

quantitative LMFAOOO fuck that class and that bitch ass prof i didnt learn shit

other than that personally...i was going through some mental shit.. i felt alone. i felt out of it. i felt regretful

i felt so regretful i felt like shit

i fell into such a nostalgic moment like i just missed everything

jk kinda reminded me of like.. how i was? happy? in 2016 i kinda of left everything and secluded myself in a weird way other than fighting with ayt/mh on some bullshit i just was out of it.. i was chilling with weirdos lol

i was thinking like.. i miss how it is??? I'm not that different? i like all the people from my past why are we not that close

spring day came out.. that hit it. bullseye. 

childish gambinooo....

just really looking back, looking back on who i AM who I WANT to be truly. who i really want to be around and create

i valued my friendships

i was super creative... working on my book, investing in artistic pursuits.. 

i wanted to recreate everything i lost, i wanted to reclaim my trauma with that bitch.

i got to spend fun times with my friends, running around train tracks becoming closer again like how it should have been all along

jk had me looking forward to leaving to dubai

and so i did. 

i tried chasing him there but it didnt really work out

its not really meant to be sr...

he's just an inspiration for what you want and for who u are

the whole groups a blessing lol

even tho i left that shit cuz it got too much and too weird why bitches gotta make shit mediocre🙄

anyways dubai was kinda ass but i got to realize something important... who i miss, who i wanted/wished were with me, who actually cares about me..

WHO ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT ME

yo sr... if someone really cares.. they'll take the effort. STOP chasing people who don't care.. STOP damaging yourself and the people who love u for people who don't give a fuck

i dropped that bitch so hard i hope she fucking rots in hell

2017 . APRIL 2017 LAST TIME EVER I WILL EVER SEE THIS BITCH. NEVER AGAIN.

my life got so much better.

dubai was a detox but after i came back it was so good

hot as fuck

ramadan lol

fat as fuck -_-

dubai was just weird lol kinda realized its not my place but it was nice(ish)

need to learn not to rely so much on material shit lol

my family is the best

they really tryna teach u and care for u, u will never have another family.

also met nr!!! she was sweet kinda weird tho lMAO the cat shit jesus lol 

misk lol

WENT TO LONDON IT WAS AMAZING I LOVED IT

but fuck... lmao u know what the fuck u did yesterday -_- u DUMB bitch lmao who cares tho (...>_>)

came back... greeted by my friends who care 

chilled with them, adventures with them

but came back.. sorry. sorry to myself. sorry to the people i hurt

ayt, mh

i was thinking about it since winter i knew i had to make it right again, i knew i was wrong, that fucking bitch fucked shit up for us, we could have had so much memories in 2016 if shit didnt go sour

i gave the wrong person another chance they didnt deserve

so i reflected.. and swallowed my fucking pride

apologized. to who i needed to

and u know what? we good. like it was never bad. we good

...thats real. no flop shit, no fake shit, we good. loyalty. blessed.

u really gave the wrong bitch another chance u real did

stupid ass

then it was good.. adventures with my friends, rebuilding, forgetting, growing

together.

beach!! hiking!! badminton in the middle of the streets singing backstreet boys!! lol music!! 

KENDRICK LAMARRR

i made friends w ht again amazing lol

really remade friends w a lot of people lol

kendrick was so good tho fuck he was amazing my eyes were tearing/shining i cried like 5 times LOVE.. PRIDE. fuck those got to me

my ass saw get low live?? by YG fuck i love him too 

best night

amusement parks x3.. lol mtl with my fams..

yo me and lina got so close

i love my family. always.

NTCCCLMAOOOO 

they gave me so much hope after i dropped stb cuz or their weird ass fandom.. i couldn't deal with that shit they're ruining my damn nostalgia. but whatever I'm not gon hate on their success.. jk is still jk to me i hope he reaches the stars with his success

but yeah damn ntc made everything sooo good damn how u not have 1 dime but like 8 LMAO in one group

literally lights of my lifeee

jn😤jh😤hc🍅😩m😤jn😭jm😭WTF BITCH so much possibilities tf

love them they made me so happy

also their fandom is so funnny love the bitches i been following and talking to

anyways i saved up my money a lot but now its like all gone cuz nadas work so idk

UHMMMM I BOUGHT MMM??? WTF BITCH WTF

I WIN IDC I WIN fuck all these bitches

glow up glow the FUCK up

lost a lil weight.. probably gained it all back idk fuck me -.-

since fall 2017.. i been happy.. i got my friends..my groups..

rm, mc, ys💘 

nz,suz,lul,mar💖

prgl,sr,joan💞

hct!

nm💗

ayt

zainb,rame

xiny, jelly

and more...

hearts 4 all I'm just lazy lol

nice to have friends, nice to know there are people who actually like u and care for u and are fun to hang with, nice to know people like u for who u really are unconditionally 

nice to know bitches i hate will never NEVER have that

stay lonely pitiful boring unsuccessful and fake . 

priorities straight. emptying out ugly shit, rebuilding myself and who i am. having fun, fixing my look. investing

music music music GOOD MUSIC

movies movies movies

books books books

those 3 things will never change

unbrainwashing myself

realized so much shit.. istg my glow up is associated with freeing my mind from all this bullshit...

RATHER BE PROUD OF WHO I AM RATHER THAN TRY TO BE SOMETHING IM NOT JUST TO FIT INTO SOME LOWKEY RACIST UGLY BORING BULLSHIT

crazy how deep into my coma i was

BITCH IM BACK OUT OF MY COMA

going forward.. going forward.. investing.. changing... 

mentality shifting.. my image of diserable.. who i want to be 

better important goals, fun goals, fun shit, cool shit, new shit

destroying the fuck bitches who tried to kill me

bunch of fucking losers. 

I'm better now I'm happy now i ended 2017 happy as fuck

i DONT have my gl but i don't need him rn. I'm loved. i love me. my family and friends got me. so until i act on some long awaited shit and gain more resources and achieve more personally UNTIL I'm ready and deserve some shit. then ill get gl. I'm going towards him. 

you're with me.. even when you're away.

hope u feel all this happiness too, hope you're warm, hope you know I'm not where u are right now and hope ur working your way towards me too

ill meet u in the warm .

happy. i spent many nights happy no fights no drama no sadness (other than not having gl i get hopeless being in love with someone i don't know yet but i cant help it)

soon tho dw.. it 2018 now lol

anyways!! i grew so much in 2017 I'm back to who i really am I'm motivated I'm happy I'm inspired I'm ready for the next year

i ended this year losing my bitch ass acne studios scarf!! like a dumb bitch!! so I'm still a dumb bitch!! but who cares -.-

need so stop buying dumb shit.. ill get the trousers when i get a job and the fucking scarf won't matter.. yo ass don't even like scarfs wtf -_-

lool see this optimistic dgaf mentality.. 

CAASH DONT LAST MY FRIENDS WILL RIDE FOR ME

and thats exactly what we did tonight, dance and sing to disney hits and sean paul . happy and careless af 

I GOTTED WHAT I WANTED RIGHT NOWWW 

GOD DOES IT FEEL SO GOOOOD

2018 lets fucking go. I'm ready . I'm going to make so much shit. I'm out my coma, i know what the fuck i want . no more dumb shit, we do dis. LETS FUCKING GOOOO.

[survivordivergent]

EPISODE 3 - “I LOVE LYING! BIG MOVES.” - OTTO

Me, when El gets votes: Uh, who thought that was the plan? I 

okay so I took this damn idol clue and lost my tribe the 50 points, which actually doesn't matter because we wound up winning, yay us! BUT when people saw someone lost 50 points, they were so pissed, including Melissa and Kyle, so I didn't tell anyone it was me. They both think it's Riley. But anyway. Because I didn't tell them then, I can't go back and tell them now. And I'm so mad because I can't figure out this clue on the new blog. Like honestly. I thought, you know if I just take some time and think about it, I'll be able to get it, but I can't figure it out. And i need to before tonight because if not, wasting those 50 points will be for nothing because someone else is going to get the clue and I'm clearly not an erudite so they will figure it out before me. Ugh.

Okay enough about that for now because I'm livid at myself. So during the challenge I was able to talk to Jill a bit. I have my alliance with Melissa and Kyle and I'm sticking with them for a while, but I want to keep Jill close because first, I clicked with her on Candor before the swap, and second, she says she trusts me the most. She trusts me so much that she told me her advantage she won in the challenge (she also lost us 50 points, but Melissa and Kyle think it's Riley as well). Apparently Jill can look at someone's vote. Which honestly, she could be lying about, but I trust her because she came right out and told me she got the advantage when I asked. She also asked me to help her with the Erudite idol. She doesn't know I'm several steps ahead of her. My plan right now is to stick with Melissa and Kyle, and keep Jill close as well. We only need 1 more to have majority, should we go to tribal. I feel pretty okay right now, but I would really love that Erudite idol...

Tribal Council went about as expected, minus the self-vote (oops @ Lucy) and the El vote (wtf @ whoever's being a dink.) I'm pretty convinced that someone is doing chaotic things for the sake of being chaotic, which is obviously not ideal.

Rapid-fire tribe eval: –My two favourite people on this tribe, by a wide margin, are Dani and Payton. Next up is Lucy. Then Percy/El. Then Geo. And I don't know Peter at all.

–I miss Kyle. Nothing like a tribe full of relative inactives to make you appreciate how good allies matter. Hope we both make merge so we can (at least) explore the option of linking back up.

–Possibly just paranoia speaking, but if I had to place a bet right now I'd say it was probably Payton who took the advantage. Speculation is based on the fact that she was couching her support during the comp in somewhat negative terms (e.g., "if we don't lose" vs "if we win" or "when we win." Or saying "we're fucked rip </3" when we weren't near the end of the comp.) It's admittedly super flimsy reasoning. But with a lack of any kind of information, that's all I have to go on right now. And obviously whoever took it won't be telling me any time soon, given how quickly I blew up over it. That wasn't a smart move.

–That reward comp was fun, considering the sheer level of auditory assault. Geo and I did most of the work through Shazam (and whoever said it doesn't work couldn't have been more wrong.) I wish people would talk more in tribe chat, even if just to say "hey, I tried, but I'm not hearing anything." It would be a better way to gauge who's doing things vs. who's passively coasting. Only ones I know for sure are working hard are myself, Geo, Lucy, Payton and Percy. I don't think Lucy did too much on the music challenge, and I haven't seen Geo around for this Battleship comp yet, though. Hmmm.

–It might be time to formalize that alliance Lucy and I were discussing. We need a plan in case we lose this.

–The Erudite idol continues to elude me. I completed the puzzle on step two, but I can't figure out the next blog. Despite the first two clues being completely ambiguous and me trying every possible combination of the last two. Colour me stymied, y'all.

–My preferences, in order: 1. We win immunity in an ass-kicking, sending ripples of confidence surging through the tribe, and we go undefeated until the next swap/merge. 2. We win immunity in a close-fought battle, lose a comp or two down the line as a product of a well-divided season, and hit merge with a slight numbers advantage. 3. We lose here and dump Peter or El, who have both been kinda spacey and invisible. 4. We lose here and dump literally anybody else. 5. Nuclear heat death of the universe. 6. The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup. 7. Benedict Cumberbatch wins an Oscar. 8. I make a really embarrassing typo that's always mentioned whenever I'm around. Probably something about that time I one HvV2. 9. We lose and target either Peter or El, and it turns out that they have the advantage and it's an idol or something.

[6:11:56 PM] Melissa Fields: i went through it a few more times but shazam didn't find anything that wasn't already on the list [6:12:27 PM] Eliza: All I hear is Ariana Grande and white noise [6:16:27 PM] otto apollo: same @Melissa 

btw I have not played the video at all. not even a second of it.

i love lying! big moves.

http://prntscr.com/di7hka 

INTERESTING

So Eliza is confirmed Amanda

Shook

http://prntscr.com/di82nu 

so far And I think betty might've been lexi but idk

Hey @everyone who's reading confessionals after the game because I've probably been exposed by now for the accident, but taking the advantage in that one immunity challenge was a mistake of me not reading the whole post. I wasn't trying to be selfish, it was me being an idiot. So I'm sorry for that, @six

Maybe a triple alliance of Me-Ed-Dani would work? Maybe? I'm gonna try suggesting it, it could work.

Okay, since the Inactive One is gone, I'm gonna do a full rundown of everyone in the tribe and my ~feelings~ about them:

2. Dani: Pretty good! I definitely see her as my #2 ally right now. She's pretty active and vocal in the tribe chat as well as 1 on 1 chats, which I think shows a LOT about how a person is game-wise.

1. Ed: Who is he? Just kidding. My #1 right now, and hopefully he keeps trusting me. I told him about the advantage but I was not honest about how I got it, but would you be? I think he and I could go all the way if we really trust each other. And if I'm never Exposed.

El: I like talking to him, he's pretty good, but he's not very active. He hasn't said a word this round. Yikes. Probably

3. Geo: Nice! I see him as #3 right now. He's moderately active in tribe chat and 1 on 1 chats, which is good. If Ed, Dani, Geo and I worked together, we could be a powerful duo after this vote.

Lucy: Who is she? I like her as a person, and she helped a lot in reward last round, but she self-voted and she's inactive. I wouldn't trust her as a helpful ally, but as a number she works.

Percy: Maybe a good ally? Talkative in tribe chats, closed off in one-on-one and dislikes talking game.

Peter: Peter, Peter, Peter. If you were more active, you could be useful. C'mon, I stood up for you last round and kept you here, could you be a bit more grateful?

Anyway, I think Ed and I could go to the end. He'd be a worthy person to lose too. I want to go to the end with him and I hope he trusts me.

Pat is calm and composed and relaxed. :)

BUT ED IS LOSING HIS DAMN MIND.

I figured out where I was going wrong on that other idol clue – I was trying to input it as a whole new blog, rather than a page on areyouproudofmejenn. Duh. Stupid. So I got through, got to the new blog, and...

Nothing.

The clue, in its entirety: "This is going to be a little different. You will be looking for multiple pages on this blog this time, following a few separate mind clues and puzzles. Each answer will be a separate page on the blog until you reach the link to the next blog Clue 1: 4+4+3+3+2+2+1 (26) "

So I'm like, oh neat! Basic math! I can do this! https://whattheactualfuckicant.tumblr.com/19 Nothing.

https://whattheactualfuckicant.tumblr.com/1926 https://whattheactualfuckicant.tumblr.com/19(26)

https://whattheactualfuckicant.tumblr.com/nineteen https://whattheactualfuckicant.tumblr.com/nineteentwentysix Nothing. And then I think maybe the (26) is there to act as a more full version of a formula. Like 4+4+3+3+2+2+1(*26)

https://whattheactualfuckicant.tumblr.com/494 Nope.

https://whattheactualfuckicant.tumblr.com/4433221 Nein.

https://whattheactualfuckicant.tumblr.com/4+4+3+3+2+2+1 Nada.

https://whattheactualfuckicant.tumblr.com/[insert every number from 0-200, manually inputted by yours truly] Non.

https://whattheactualfuckicant.tumblr.com/+1 (because there are two of every digit except 1. That's gotta matter, right?) Wrong.

https://whattheactualfuckicant.tumblr.com/24232211 (two fours, two threes, two twos, one one) Nyet.

I'm so FRUSTRATED and this is gonna to be a SUPER EASY thing that I am MISSING and I'm so NOT HERE FOR IT.

Bye I've already been outed by one person to my face, everyone else probably knows, I'm going to get 17th place because the illusion is DEAD and how they feel about DREW is going to kick in here, rather than how they feel about MELISSA. "If you're not Drew, you do a really good job of wording things the same way as him" HOW TF DO I WORD THINGS DIFFERENTLY AND STILL BE A PERSON, I tried for like a day and a half to "translate" away from sounding like myself and I hated every second of it. I guess there's no real reason to pretend anymore? Like obviously I'm not gonna start saying shit like "Bye y'all gotta go to my shift at the library" or "Michigan winters really are the worst" or "wow it's so nice to be 27 years old and a dude" like I'll still keep the bare facts about Melissa, but like this isn't even someone I have an alliance with, so if just the way I phrase even the most innocuous things like talking about comps in the tribe chat exposes me??? Yeah there's no point in fighting the tide on this one, what they get is what they get.

It was t.

It was literally just the letter t.

I'm dying.

Mercy is for those who aren't good with words - Ed Creegan

I feel REALLLLY bad lying to my allies but it has to be done. They're gonna hate me after this game, but I hope everyone realizes it was a mistake that I didn't mean to make. I'm sorry, Ed. I know you trust me.

I don't know if I trust Ed right now. He said something that makes me wonder.

I KNOW WHO PAYTON IS OMG I WAS RIGHT!!

This whole time, I was thinking, Payton might be Logan, they're very similar in personality. Loud, a bit self-deprecating. But the biggest thing is that they're both pregnant, hmm, it would make sense. However, today, we made an alliance chat with Dani, Ed, and Lucy. In the chat, during I was talking with Dani, Payton said to her, "Okay Darian." Who's somebody thats pregnant and hates Darian Groggin(?) Logan. I am positive that Payton is Logan. 100%

So here's the long ass confessional I promised. Tonight, I'm going to my third tribal council this season. I've literally been involved in almost every vote off so far and I guess this is where trust begins to be built.

I got added to an alliance with Payton, Ed, Lucy, Geo, and myself. That's majority, so good luck to Percy, Peter, and El! I am hoping that El goes home tonight because she hasn't brought much to the table and I want Otto to be shook that maybe the Dauntless Three are in some sort of trouble. Like I said before, if I can be the last Dauntless standing, that would be a perfect situation for me.

I know that the big twist this season are the aliases that we use to keep our previous identities secret, but there is also a lot of giddiness associated with wanting to reveal yourself to people, etc etc. It's used to maintain trust between allies, I suppose, and maybe revealing your identity is not necessarily a bad thing? But I am treating this like Christmas. Sure, you can open all the presents whenever you'd like, but then it spoils the holiday. Christmas morning for me will be the post-season when everyone is revealed to be who they are, and I'm trying to maintain that air of fun for others.

Right now, only one person knows who I am, and that is Ed. I knew who Ed was right off the bat and we've played games together in the past. He would be capable of figuring out who I am within a heartbeat, so I chose to gain his trust through my reveal while also exposing him so that there is no mistrust between us. We could ride this out to the end together, but of course I am not thinking that far ahead quite yet. Ed (also known as Pat) is truly my number one ally in this game.

HOWEVER, I know a ton of other peoples' identities because I am just that smart. Why wasn't I on Erudite, you might ask?! From what I've gathered, I think Otto is MJ; El might be some weird Australian so bye; Ed is Pat; Payton is Logan (but that was rly easy); Geo is Rob; and I think Lucy might be Nic but that seems really unlikely so I might ditch that sooner or later.

I'm honestly really bored with this round because we've had such an easy transition between two easy boots :/ We'll have to see how that goes.

[ananorrisbryan-blog]

dude tbh w u the ppl that have shit figured out fr have it going on on some real real shit but then again maybe they don’t and they’ll never get to experience what tru happiness is like but then when u come down it’s not all so great anymore and u realize everything is truly fucced tbh. i’m just such an attention whore and i srsly get off on it like i love pleasing everyone all at once its almost like one is never enough…i have to have it all it’s like i’m srsly never satisfied w myself or w anyone else and i never will b. that’s my fuckin issue dude fr…i can’t sleep i can’t think i can’t function w/o someone else. i feel like i would literally die if i were ever alone but that’s y we’re not meant to b alone like we’re all v social creaturez ya catch my drift? just making sure ur still there w me ofc cuz u all care so much right?? lol that’s a hilarious thought isn’t it. yes quite hilarious cuz none of u actually fucking care at all abt anything but urselves it’s all for urself. i think i understand my uncle henry rn. he’s kinda like this in a way too. he’s always gotta make sure everything around him is ok even tho it’s rlly not at the time u know and he has to b ok w that like u don’t always have to fix everything u know this u know this i srsly know this ana!!! wtfff dude wake up srsly wake tf up and smell the coffee dude. on some real shit wake up and smelll the coffee even tho u never rlly liked coffee or u used to like coffee a lot. but u don’t anymore u don’t rlly like coffee all that much at all tbh…u don’t even rllly feel the need for it tbh. it’s just kinda there as like a y not sorta thing. like fuck it anyways. i think i used to b a lot more desirable whenever i was in hs tbh like i was way more put together and shit i feel like tbh. back then i actually had stuff i believed in like god and soccer and also i was pretty focused on school tbh or like whatever made me ultimately happy u know…or what i just settled for actually

i had to do a lot of thinking tbh like i had to do a lot of self realization but i say this everytime so what makes it different from the last time? tbh fucking nothing makes it different i do it for the same reason i do it every time literally the definition of insanity and humanity. i think i don't understand any of it cuz i'm in it rn. i'm literally fucking in it rn. this is the past the future and the present rn. this is it for me. this is it this is all i've got is rn so i better go out and make the most of it. also ik a lot of this is repetitive and i'm late to the party and all but give me a break i'm ignorant asf i'm still young and i still have shit to go thru at some point in life. there's no need for all this shit rn. who am i trying to convince tho. me or u? in a way i'm kinda doing both trying to help myself by helping all of u whoever it is that i'm talking to. but now i'm to the point where i'm tlking to myself and it's sad tbh it's rlly fucking sad tbh. i can't wait for things i always have to b doing more. that's y ill always end up alone. alone dead and gone. that's what happens after u die too i think. like i saw it one time in a movie where this guy actually did dmt and that shit was insane, he would literally close his eyes and just c endless trippy shit and then he came out of his body like what that's fucking insane. like he literally came out of his body and saw his own body. my professor says not to use curse words to make u sound smart cuz they rnt smart they just cover up for what ur rlly thinking. that's y it feels so good to say it sometimes. lmao i should probs go back into my dorm cuz my roommates hate me. like they fr hate olivia and i. i should probs take her feelings more into consideration more. ugh wtf i'm so frustrated w everything rn. i can't figure anything out like at all, there's so many different possibilities. that's the thing tho isn't i love being down for whatever and having a good ole time whenever i want w whoever i want.